Changes. Change program. Popular psychology. - an intelligent article about the secrets of personal growth.

What to change in yourself so that your life improves dramatically.

The article below answers the question.

When everything in life has more or less worked out, somehow you don’t really want to improve anything else, and your own activity at a time when nothing had happened yet is remembered as something akin to the labors of Hercules.

However, not all the pleasures have yet been received and you want it, you still want more, but it’s difficult to be lazy and push yourself to new achievements. So you have to choose - either force yourself and achieve THIS, or relax and be content with what you have. I wonder how you resolve this contradiction now? It’s even more interesting what you will do after our conversation :-).

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

Let's start with the letter. It very accurately outlines the problem situation:

Hello, Gennady.

When we arrived in Israel, everything was very difficult and unclear. Everything is foreign - people, language, way of life, etc. Jungle, in a word. It took 8 years to achieve a place in the sun. The main stimulus was the most powerful stimulus in the world - fear. Fear of being without a job, without money. Those. fear for one’s own skin, excuse the frankness, or the unconditional instinct of self-preservation.

Now the worst thing is behind me - I have a profession that is quite prestigious - a pediatrician. Great recommendations. Great job opportunities, including opening your own clinic, where, if you want, you can earn very good money without breaking a sweat. But I decided to study further, and I chose a boss who would not let me down.

Read - no, study - the structure of the receptors responsible for the introduction of cholesterol into the mitochondria :), take exams again, write papers. The salary is not so hot for the next 3 years of duty. Those. a lot of headaches. But fear (read - the old motivator) is no longer there. There are new motivators, but they are weak. The main one is that I want to live by present merits, not past ones. Often I remind myself of the goat called push-pull.

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

I tried it to improve my stamina different exercises- the effect is very short-lived. New successful man so far it turns out to be weaker than the old, familiar and dear one.

Starting September 1, I go back to work - there will be less time to think, and the flow, I hope, will take me in the right direction.

In other words, I find external motivators for myself when internal ones stall. And it’s these internal ones that don’t suit me. How to process them?

Thank you. Larisa.

Changes. I want to live well. And what? I have the right!

Everyone wants to live well. It is a fact. Everyone has their own personal understanding of the same fact. Not everyone lives well, that is, as they would like. And this is also an indelible fact.

The most interesting thing is that few people want to strain themselves too much in order to live better than that level that each of us considers normal. For myself.

A normal standard of living is one that you consider sufficient. Some apartment, work or business, some amount of free time, some person nearby. Replace the word with your own criterion, and this will be your acceptable standard of living. Anything below is already bad and you want to get out of this bad situation faster. All that is above is already excesses, which are desirable, but not required, and therefore: .

Suppose you have such an opportunity - to work for 20 years and create such capital that will be enough for your grandchildren. Tell me honestly and frankly, hand on heart, will you agree to such conditions?

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

You know that you can’t take anything to the next world except your immortal soul. And in this case, is the game worth the candle? And will you be able to live happily with such thoughts?

But there are not only individual people, but entire cultures that have put the principle at the forefront and live very well. However, their life is incomprehensible to us, and therefore strange and unacceptable.

From this point of view it is interesting to compare different cultures, for example, Russians and Americans.

If you look at the life of the average American resident, he works as hard as he can until he is about 50 years old, paying off the loans he took out in his youth - for a house, for a car, for education. Also, with his work, he creates pension savings so that in old age he will not have problems with survival. Of course, not everyone lives this way. They also have enough homeless people. But this is how most people live.

Russians work the same way into old age, but the results of this work are not impressive. The majority of Russian residents have a standard state pension in old age, which prevents them from starving to death, but no more. And here, too, the majority exists, but there are exceptions in one direction or another. In this we are very similar to the Americans :-).

There are different theories why Russia and America differ so much in average living standards. You can talk about the government, you can talk about national character, you can talk about mentality, but these conversations and disputes do not answer the question. main question, which interests me very much: .

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

What does it mean to live the way Americans live? It means to have big house V beautiful place, a fat bank account, a lot of free time and other amenities, but not in old age, like they have, but now, while he’s young.

Yes, there is nothing to repent of, I love luxury, but I still don’t have as much as I want. Why? This is what I'm dealing with:

Change program. The mistake of most popular psychology.

Any of my searches for answers to questions begin with simply puzzling myself as a child. For example, why do Americans live so well? Why do they put so much effort into creating this particular lifestyle? Why am I, a Russian person, not ready and willing to work as hard as they do? After all, it would seem that all the benefits are obvious, but look, you don’t want to strain for these benefits. It turns out that I, like that Ivan, am lying on the stove and dreaming about a pike.

Going through the answers I knew, I suddenly realized that all the psychology I knew, which I had used so far for personal growth, considers a person as a separate person, but not as a part of the surrounding social society! I understand that it is not yet clear what is going on here. Now everything will become clearer.

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

For example, the development of medicine went something like this - first they found out what organs a person has, then what each of them is needed for. Then they tried to treat each organ separately, but now they have come to the conclusion that a person is a system of organs, and if the liver hurts, for example, then the reason may be in a completely different place, in psychology, for example. As a result, treatment became systemic, that is, they treat not the manifestation of the disease, but its cause.

Psychology seems to be at a stage, but not. Almost all popular psychology and training explain problems in your life by problems in your thinking (all problems are in you). This is true, but not true.

In fact, the problem is not entirely in the head.

For example, I have a task so that my monthly income is cu. For Russia, this is not just a lot of money, but very, very big money. I'm setting myself up for success. I convince myself that this is possible, desirable and acceptable for me. From a psychological point of view, I did everything I needed to do, but from a real, practical point of view, most of the necessary things stand still. I don't do everything I need to do, so I don't get everything I want. Why?

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

Why don't you do whatever it takes to get what you want?

I started looking within myself for the answer and found it. It's very simple. Do you know which one? .

The principle is ours national peculiarity. True, the second part is usually not realized.

This question discourages any desire to do anything, since there really is no point in most things! For us, there is meaning in those things that improve a difficult situation - we are fighters against difficulties and problems. If the situation is normal, our original rules apply. Sound familiar? This idea is part of our culture. This is NOT the case in Western culture!

This is precisely the reason for our inaction - our culture, not our personal psychology. Therefore, it is useless to treat the head if this treatment does not take into account the cultural characteristics of the patient :-). I'm not suggesting that culture should be treated. We can't do this. But we can cure our own head :-) I believe that we need to adjust our work with ourselves, taking into account the cultural characteristics of our broad soul :-).

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

For example, you live in two-room apartment. There is enough space for you and your wife, and the child does not interfere much. Yes, I would like to have more space, but I don’t really want to strain for this. What's the point? And so good.

This is it main reason, which prevents us from increasing the growth of our well-being.

But what does this mean in a practical sense? How exactly does this translate into life? Here's how: it's not bad - it means it could be worse. Therefore, in comparison with what could be, what is is not so bad. Although this is not good, of course, it could have been worse!>

Let's move on :-). If everything is good, then what's the point of doing anything else? A? In life, of course, we don’t think like that. All this is surrounded by difficulties and the impossibility of changing anything in the situation. But the reason for any words, in my opinion, is one - there is no point in straining. It's not bad!

Explain to yourself why you need to twitch if everything is not so bad? Maybe it's better to relax and enjoy life? :-)

The question is a question of expediency. . If there is no personal meaning for me, I have little interest in what is important for others. First me, and then everyone else - this is the principle of our life. Do you agree that this is so or do you live differently?

Meaning is a goal, a rational basis for something. That is, when we ask ourselves, we want to understand. It is the answers to these questions that provide the basis for our actions.

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

In theory, if you tried to answer the question above, you are now in great difficulty. Why? But because you are one of us, a Russian person. But for a Russian person this question is insurmountable. He's like Chinese Wall, against which hordes of invaders are broken, or like the Brest Fortress, which holds the defense. - ours, Russian. And if there is a question, but no answer, then the situation has not been resolved, and until everything is clear, it is better to stand still so that it doesn’t get worse! Funny?

Here's another simple question for you:

Do you really want to invest your time and energy into achieving a goal that you, in general, don’t really need?>.

I'm sure the answer is no.

Popular psychology. Instinctive greed or unreasonable expediency.

We humans are very economical and intelligent creatures. We don't take more than we need. And this thesis is the complete opposite of the statement that people are greedy and no matter how much you give them, it’s not enough for them. This is wrong! We are not greedy. We just really need THIS!!!

There is no such thing as greed! There is a huge need to have THIS.

If you torment a greedy person for a long time with the question: , in the end, he will say: . All. Torture no further - the answer will be the same: . That's all. He needs THIS for some reason, but why is impossible to explain. That's all you need!

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

What is the connection between greed and our conversation? Directly. Let's ask ourselves a question (IT is anything - money, apartments, cars, yachts, etc.).

The word in the paragraph above is key. Greedy people, indeed, with fanatical persistence collect what is important to them for some reason. Whether it’s money, stamps, or some kind of rubbish, they drag and drag and drag :) it to themselves and, in the end, they have so much of IT that there is nowhere to put it! And everything is not enough for them! Paradox?

In order to answer this question, you need to understand what and where the origins of greed lie. There are many theories, I will not list them. I have my own :-).

Let's reason by analogy. What can you compare it to? unreasonable and beyond the control of reason a craving to do something, in our case, to have more of something than is needed? With instinctive actions. When a person is driven to action by his instincts, he does not justify why he is doing what he is doing, and cannot control himself - he simply does everything, like a biorobot. I want to reproduce and that’s all - it’s instinct. Can you control it, that is, not reproduce? :-).

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

Instinct is the innate ability to perform appropriate actions based on unconscious impulses. This is a subconscious, unconscious feeling.

The urge to have a child is an instinct. The desire to protect a child is an instinct. The thirst to live is an instinct. But the desire to live well is not an instinct, it is a desire. How is instinct different from desire? The desire can be recognized and accepted or rejected. Such things will not work with instinct. If it is turned on, the entire organism is given over to it, and consciousness can only watch indifferently.

Remember on simple example- When you have sex, do you think a lot? Of course not. Thinking and sex are mutually exclusive things. Instincts are the basis of sex.

There are known facts when people in critical circumstances performed miracles of dexterity and strength, and then could not repeat it.

For example, a plane crashed during landing and broke up. A mother who was flying with her one-year-old child was thrown onto the tarmac, but the child remained on the plane. She jumped onto the wing (about 5 meters), used her hands to push the sheets of sheathing apart and pulled out the child along with the chair. She jumped down, ran away from the plane, and then lost consciousness. It turns out her leg was broken. Unfortunately, I do not have a link to this article on the Internet.

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

What gave the mother such strength? The instinct to preserve the life of a child. Animals, you know, have it too. Imagine if she started to figure out what and how to do? Could she even just think about jumping on a wing? That's it:

Socio-survival instincts.

When people talk about instincts, they usually mean bio-survival instincts and preservation of the species, but until now I have not seen any mention of socio-survival instincts. What it is?

As I said above, a person must be considered not only as an individual person with willpower and intelligence, but also as a part of society, that is, many people connected with each other by social ties.

If we find ourselves in a situation where there is a direct threat to our physical safety, bio-survival instincts come into play and we, unconsciously, show miracles of dexterity, strength and intelligence.

How do instincts know when to kick in? There are criteria by which the instincts evaluate the situation, and if the criteria are violated and correspond to emergency circumstances, the instincts are triggered and connect the hidden resources of the body.

Our social survival instincts operate similarly. If the circumstances of our life meet the criteria, the instincts are silent, and we, accordingly, do not act. What for? After all, there is no danger! And if there is a situation, then where does laziness go, right?

For example, in Russia you can learn English all your life, but in Canada, for example, you can speak passably in a year. Cause? Forced necessity - you cannot establish social connections, and your instincts FORCE you to act, that is, to learn the language. This is exactly how it happens, and not as is commonly believed.

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

Remember, above we talked about greedy people and wondered. The answer is that greedy people have it written in their instinct that they need an UNLIMITED amount of THIS. So they live in the passion of hoarding and collecting :-).

More close example. If everything is in order with money in your life, you are calm most of the time. However, if you, for example, lost your job, remember how you start to fuss and run? And once you find a job, you calm down again. And the reason here is precisely social instincts. It was they who endowed you with the power that you did not have before. And as soon as the situation stabilized, you calmed down, because your instincts turned off. She is no longer needed. It's not all bad, right?

The desire to live well, as I said above, is from, and therefore subject to doubt. But the actions of instincts are not subject to discussion.

We act so that things don't get worse. And if it’s good, then it’s a nice addition, but not the main dish. Not always, but that's the law.

A fulcrum that changes your character.

I have a feeling that you have some vague sense of the importance of this explanation, but it is not yet clear what exactly this importance is, right?

Look. How do bio-survival instincts know when to act? When there is a threat. How do they know there is a threat? When safety criteria are violated, for example, your ear hurts after a blow, then you need to either move in response or run away. If your ear doesn’t hurt, then there’s no need to strain. No problem - why bother?

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

How do the social survival instincts know when it's time to take action? When our life situation does not meet the criteria, that is, for example, the quality of housing and life in general does NOT correspond to the understanding of instincts. If the situation has changed and become, instincts are activated and you are encouraged to take action.

And the trick is precisely in the criteria by which instincts determine the situation as or how.

The moment you take action to improve the situation and the moment you stop taking action are all hard-wired into your social survival instincts.

If for you, this is when there is something to drink, something to eat and where to lay your head, even if it is a crushed bed and small apartment. All. It's enough. For your instincts. With your brains, you may want more, but you don’t have the strength to move yourself. And why? But because the instincts are asleep. Everything is good for them!

Think about the paragraph above. It contains an explanation of the reasons why your life is the way it is, and it already contains a solution on how to improve your life.

We live as written in instincts. If it says that if you have your own corner, at least two by two, and this is normal, your instincts will not be strained. And we don't strain ourselves. Don't stress yourself out, Dear Reader.

Topics of the article: Changes. Change program. Popular psychology.

Now take a look at the situation around you and understand that this is the optimum that your instincts consider SUFFICIENT for you. Do you want more? Whatever. Desires are not the main thing driving force our life. If your social security is not threatened, your instincts will not move you to action. What for? After all, everything is NOT BAD.

Friends, if you ask yourself from time to time, how to change yourself, then this article is definitely for you!

Today we will talk about how to make the life that each of us has today more joyful, more enjoyable, more positive. So that it contains less struggle, less difficulties, less overcoming.

In general, the conversation will be about what to do when everything goes wrong, but you want everything to change.

The main condition for changing yourself and your life is action.

Basically we do nothing, we just sit and suffer. We don’t change anything, we just wait for everything around us to change.

This is mistake! You can only change yourself.

Change yourself and the world around you will change

This axiom is as old as the world, everyone has heard and knows it.

But HOW to change yourself?

HOW to change your life?

WHAT SPECIFICALLY needs to be done for this?

Step one. Remove your fear

The first thing you need to do is get rid of the fear within yourself.

Fear of changes in life- this is a stumbling block, this is the main reason why people do nothing to change themselves and their lives.

There are many methods and techniques for dealing with your own limitations and fears. Here is one of them:

Step two. Select area to change

Take a piece of paper and write a list of areas in which you want changes.

For example:

• Career
• Personal relationships
• Money
• Figure
• Friends
• Spiritual development

Look carefully at the list and listen to your inner feelings. Changes in what areas of your life do you most want? Which direction can you call “burning”?

Pick ONE item from the list and stop there. Your task is to achieve success in this direction. This success will then automatically lead to changes in other areas of your life.

Step three. Change your beliefs

You need to identify your negative and destructive beliefs and attitudes in the chosen area and replace them with positive and creative ones.

If you have problems with a certain area of ​​life, this means only one thing: in your Subconscious there are negative programs and attitudes in this direction and your the main task– their neutralization and replacement.

The best way to do this is affirmations.

• Create for yourself (instructions in the article above) or use existing affirmations in your direction
• Use various ways working with positive statements (reading, writing, repeating, audio)
• Practice affirmations regularly for 21 to 40 days in a row

If you do everything correctly, then after 40 days you will notice the first changes in your chosen area. Changes at a deep level will inevitably lead to changes in outside world. Fresh thoughts and ideas will come to you or suggestions will be made. The world around you will begin to change.

Start taking action right away! Don't sit idly by! Remember that nothing will happen in your life just by repeating affirmations! Only your ACTIONS in the chosen direction can change you and your life!

The master of positive psychology will tell you more about the “technology of self-change” famous writer and training leader Alexander Sviyash.

How to change yourself? Alexander Sviyash

http://youtu.be/WDZ4BlsOovU

And in conclusion of our article I bring to your attention useful tips from a practicing psychologist. They will help you carry out the process of “self-transformation” faster and easier.

• Ask yourself questions

Ask yourself:

Why should I change myself?

Is this my wish or that of my loved ones?

What will I gain and what will I lose when I change?

And try to answer them as honestly as possible. And only after you are convinced of the need for personal changes, proceed to practical steps.

• Keep a diary

Keep yourself a “Personal Change Diary” and write down in it all your successes and failures, problems and achievements in the area being changed. A change diary will help you organize your thoughts and bring order to your head. It teaches self-discipline and responsibility in business and also allows you to analyze and correct your actions.

The diary should be personal! Do not show it to anyone and keep it away from prying eyes.

• Imagine the end result

Every day, do visualization - imagine yourself already changed - try to see yourself as you dream of becoming. Mine appearance... your habits... your thoughts... your environment...

Create in your imagination a clear and clear picture of your future self and scroll through it on your inner screen as often as possible, while filling yourself with emotions of joy and happiness from what you see! We are what we think...

• Stop criticizing yourself

If something doesn’t work out for you, there is no need to scold yourself. Otherwise, your negative reaction may create in the Subconscious negative attitude to refuse to complete the assigned task. In other words, it may get scared and stop acting. Remember - not everything comes at once, Moscow was not built at once. And the fact that something doesn’t work out has nothing to do with your self-esteem and attitude towards yourself.

• Praise yourself!

Reward yourself for every successful action you take, no matter how small, with good words and gifts! Praise yourself! Love yourself! Experience delight and joy from every successful action or step! Positive emotions will charge you and give you new strength to successfully move along the path of self-development.

Friends, answers to the question, how to change yourself plenty. The main thing is to start changing. Start taking real steps to change yourself and your reality. And the world around you will not stand for long - it will definitely change! Once you change yourself for the better, you will improve your life forever!

Positive changes to you!

Arthur Golovin

Interesting

Be yourself, look and dress the way you like, set your own rules in life - what could be better? But sometimes it happens that a person simply urgently needs to change himself and his preferences, and in a radical way. How to change beyond recognition? Why is there such a need? We'll talk about this in detail below.

Reasons for wanting to change yourself

There can be a lot of reasons for change, because, as you know, there are so many opinions. People are most often driven to experiment on themselves by the following reasons:

1. Love. Especially the first, teenage love, or a strong feeling, attraction to opposite sex. For the first time in all the years of his life, a person may wake up with the thought: “I want to change beyond recognition, so that my beloved (my beloved) can love me.”
2. When a person understands that given the current state of affairs, the way he looks and treats people, he will not achieve anything in life, he decides to make drastic changes.
3. The desire to become more popular, to attract attention. Self-centered people are very prone to frequent changes. Of course, they love themselves, but the shell, the appearance in which they find themselves, constantly does not suit them.
4. Self-development. A healthy desire to change something in your life, in yourself, arises due to ordinary human curiosity. We all love to learn something new and bring it into our everyday lives.

In addition, there are also psychological factors that push a person to change. Various stressful situations, conflicts and failures can trigger a desire to change. New look the subconscious will be perceived as protection from negativity associated with the past.

External changes for men

It is quite difficult for representatives of the stronger half of humanity to change their appearance without the help of a specialist. Below we will consider several ways that are beyond recognition, suitable for men:

• Be active in sports. This a great opportunity change not only your lifestyle, but also your appearance. Perhaps many men dream of a beautiful, sculpted body. But to achieve such results without physical activity unreal.
• Trim your overgrown beard, mustache, or, conversely, grow it. This greatly changes facial features. Try using colored lenses and radically change your wardrobe.
• Learn to communicate correctly and competently with the opposite sex. which means that in order to get the object of passion into your networks, you need to change the way you communicate.
• Accept yourself as you are. Agreement with your own “I” accelerates the process of both internal and external transformation. When you decide to make changes, be sure to agree on this issue with yourself, analyzing in detail why and for what you are doing it.

Of course, in men fewer options for change. And the most radical method remains plastic surgery. But is it worth resorting to such measures?

Ways of external change for women

All a lady needs to do is visit a beauty salon and she will be transformed beyond belief. How can a girl change beyond recognition? All you need to do is follow simple recommendations:

• Change of wardrobe. Changes in image should be made taking into account the characteristics of the figure. For example, if you have short and full legs, then replacing a maxi skirt with a mini one is not advisable. First, decide which style suits you best. If you previously preferred strict, classic clothes, then for a radical change you can try a sporty or urban style.
• Change of hairstyle. Changing the shape and color of your hair allows you to transform yourself in literally 1.5-2 hours. You were blonde with long hair? Become a hot brunette with short hair! However, it is worth remembering that frequent hair coloring can lead to hair loss.
• Use of decorative cosmetics. How to change beyond recognition? Apply cosmetics. Correctly applied products can make your face look completely different.
• Weight loss. Do you want dramatic changes? Start with your weight. It is absolutely not necessary to go on a strict diet and exhaust yourself with hunger strikes. It is enough to determine for yourself the number of kilograms that you need to get rid of.

And these are not all the ways to change beyond recognition. Ladies are more inventive in this regard; they can radically change themselves in 1 day, week or month, and without the intervention of specialists.

All changes begin with internal changes. Be sure to discuss with yourself each point that you want to apply to yourself. Representatives of both sexes, before starting to change, should think about what all this is for? If you want to do this for someone or for someone, then ask yourself, will this person be there for you after all the changes? Will you become more successful, more beautiful and more popular? You shouldn’t suddenly change everything in your life because of a fleeting desire - transformation should be gradual and deliberate.

How to change beyond recognition internally? Start with small steps that will gradually change your lifestyle, pace of life, and character.

Set your priorities

Decide what you want most. Create a specific wish list, highlight the most desirable things. There is no need to waste yourself on implementing everyday, everyday plans, for example, such as buying a new washing machine or kitchen stove. Think about when you are last time rested, relaxed, spent time with family? Start with a vacation, with shared dinners and walks with your family. Lonely people will benefit from communicating with friends and parents and making new acquaintances.

Plan your day correctly. Make a list of the most important tasks for today and cross off items as you complete them - a visual representation helps the subconscious understand that the task has been completed, which means that thoughts about it are no longer appropriate.

Learn what you've always dreamed of

We study throughout our lives, constantly learning something new. But we do not always have the opportunity to obtain the knowledge that is necessary to realize hidden potential. Learn foreign language, take lessons in playing the guitar, piano, try yourself as a singer or designer. Any new role will allow you to open up and change in a short time.

Is it really possible to change beyond recognition in a month due to new skills and knowledge? It all depends on your desire for change, as well as the type of activity that you decide to master. The more complex it is, the longer the process of learning and change will be.

New emotions - new "I"

Travel as often as possible, and not necessarily to foreign countries. Visit each small corner homeland - an influx of new emotions is guaranteed to you. Ride your bike and ride the streets hometown, meet the sunrise on the shore of the lake - all this will bring a sea of ​​positivity into your life. Make it a rule to smile more often - with a smile, not only you change, but also the world around you.

How to change beyond recognition in a week? Start radiating positivity. Unfortunately, this cannot be achieved in one day if a person is by nature gloomy and does not know how to enjoy life. Special training will help you master this skill.

Remember that your inner “I” is a temple, so do not let any garbage into your subconscious in the form of everyday problems, conflicts, and minor troubles. They destabilize emotional condition a person, preventing him from enjoying life.

Repetition and persistence

Be more persistent in your actions, do not give up. Constant repetition, search and eradication of mistakes made allows you to understand how to change beyond recognition. Character can only be changed by identifying the trait in yourself that you want to get rid of as soon as possible, and start working on yourself.

If you decide to change radically, then start by giving up laziness and idleness. Constant control of your thoughts and actions, agreement with your own “I” - this is what will help you overcome the difficulties associated with change.

Live in the moment

What happened to you in the past should fade into the background. Even if past events bring you positive emotions and help you relax, they should still be put aside during the change. Remember! The person you were in the past and the person you are now are completely different people.

Concentrate your attention on what is happening at the moment, without thinking about other options for the development of events. While walking, simultaneously fix your gaze on several surrounding objects and people. Immerse yourself in the situation you are in. With constant practice, you will learn to meditate and establish contact with yourself, and also accept reality as it is.

This activity allows you to protect yourself from negativity coming from ourselves and unnecessary anxiety. Accepting reality helps improve a person’s life, helps him change internally, teaches him to love and appreciate what he has.

How to change yourself? If you are asking this question, it means that you are already a very mature person. People are more likely to ask questions about how to change other people or circumstances.

Only an adult and reasonable person understands that any changes in life begin with changes in oneself.

It's really great luck understand that managing the circumstances of your life begins with changing yourself.

How to start changing correctly

Setting goals

Changing yourself is a worthy decision. But where to start? Before you change yourself, you need to understand exactly what goals you are striving for. What do you want to see as a result of your changes? After all, you can spend a lot of effort and then be dissatisfied with the result.

The goals that may require changes are very different, for example:

• Make a dizzying career.
• Create a family.
• Find health and beauty.
• Gain a high position in society.
• Create sources of passive income.

But we must take into account that in order to achieve a particular goal, certain qualities will be required:

• For example, the qualities a woman needs to start a family: kindness, tenderness, desire to take care of children, meekness, obedience, fidelity, devotion. And if a girl sets herself the goal of creating a family, then it will be beneficial for her to change and develop precisely these qualities.
• If the goal is to build a career, other qualities will be needed, such as determination, assertiveness, determination, and strength.
• Of course, you can develop all the qualities in yourself a little at a time for an undefined purpose. But with this approach, attempts to change are likely to quickly reach a dead end. Since actions in the absence of a goal do not bring much satisfaction, it is therefore impossible to move on.

Therefore, it is very important to set a goal before you start changing. Just “I want to change” is not enough to transform yourself. Change begins with choosing a goal. This is the answer to the question: “Where to start transforming yourself?”

Search for role models

The next step in changing yourself will be to find people who have already achieved similar goals.

Knowing the end point you want to get to, you can try to find your own path. But we must understand that such a search takes long time and very often leads to nothing. Sometimes it feels like trying to invent your own script and language.

It is much easier to study examples of the development of those people who were in a similar situation and were able to change it. It is very important that they are able to overcome it successfully. It is advisable to take more than one or two examples.

• BIOGRAPHIES OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

What can you take as an example? Great option- biographies. , in one area or another, sometimes they write books about how they overcame difficulties and how they changed.

Reading biographical books helps to identify personality traits that contributed to the achievement of intended goals through changes. Choose books whose authors could confidently say: “I changed myself completely and got decent results.”

• PEOPLE AROUND YOU

Sometimes examples can be seen in life. For example, a friend whose personal life did not work out for a long time, but then she changed herself and found family happiness.

Or a colleague who at first held a minor position, but then... Watch people who are able to achieve what they want. Note their qualities, do not hesitate to ask for advice.

• LECTURES, TRAININGS

Listening to lectures and attending trainings too a good option meet the right people. Sometimes the leader of such trainings himself is successful person who is ready to share her experience on how to change. And I've gone through big changes in the past.

• PSYCHOLOGICAL LITERATURE

Reading helps you change yourself. However, not all books will be useful.

Therefore, study the reviews and try to learn as much as possible about the author’s life. Not all authors of psychological literature are worthy of being an example of how to change.

• RELIGION

If faith is not unacceptable to you, then you can read or listen to lectures by clergy. Among them there are often people who have knowledge of how to change completely and are good examples for imitation.

Studying other people's experiences

The next step in self-improvement will be to study the experiences of people who were able to change the course of their lives. By studying their experience, you can systematize it and understand how to change in order to become like them and achieve your goals.

Read books, attend trainings, study biographies, collect as much information as possible from other people’s experiences on how to change yourself.

Don't throw yourself into the pool headlong. At first, some things may not be understood. That is, there will be no understanding of why this or that thing needs to be done, how to apply it and why it is needed. Don’t write it off, gradually introduce into your life what is close and understandable.

• For example, if you decide to become a leading person, then starting it immediately from Monday, by Tuesday next week there is a high chance of quitting.
• Why? Because when the thought “I want to change” comes, a person rushes to change everything at once. That is, a newly made follower healthy image life begins to get up at 6 am, do exercises, eat vegetables and fruits instead of the usual dumplings, quit smoking and skip drinking alcohol at the next birthday.
• As a result, after a few days or weeks, this lifestyle becomes unbearable. The person returns to his old habits. Question: “How to change?” Now he worries much less, and there is a feeling of aversion to changes.
• When studying the experience of others, join in with it gradually, with understanding. If you're going to get up early, get up 30 minutes earlier tomorrow. After three or four days for another 10 minutes. Gradually increase the rise time to the desired one. This should become a habit, not self-abuse. And before doing anything, it is very important to understand why you need it.

Where to look for support and how to stay motivated

When deciding how to change yourself, it is very important to remember that motivation and a strong desire to change are integral companions of progress.

Naturally, the desire to change will wax and wane over time. Sooner or later, the first fuse will pass, and motivation will begin to decrease. There will definitely be situations along the path of change when it seems like there is no progress.

There will be situations when it seems that changes are going completely in the wrong direction, that they are not bringing you any closer to your goals. Sometimes there may be a strong desire to give up everything and return to what was before.

But remember that to say the phrase: “I changed myself completely, I achieved success!” Only those who finally reached the end can do it, those who coped with all the difficulties, survived difficult moments and those who did not give up.

To cope with difficult situations that arise along the path of change, create conditions for yourself that will help you not give up what you started. What are these conditions?

The right attitude towards failure

There will undoubtedly be successes and failures in the process of change. It is important to have the right attitude towards failure. There is no need to reproach yourself for every mistake.

Failure is also good. Because it gives food for thought and analysis. It helps you understand your mistakes and not make them in the future.

If you're not making mistakes, then you're probably not learning. Every miss carries an equal or even greater opportunity. Learn to see failures as opportunities and lessons.

An environment conducive to change

Without a good environment that shares your goals, change will be impossible. There are no people who never experience doubts. There are very few people who can resist the pressure of others for a long time. In order to survive periods of doubt and rejection by society, it is necessary to have the support of like-minded people.

It is not necessary that there be many such people, but there should be at least one. Because it is the support of someone who shares your aspirations and beliefs that can change everything.

Tracking progress of changes

• Motivation is lost due to the inability to feel progress. The solution in this case would be a diary or any other way of recording the current state.
• Return to old posts about yourself from time to time to see that changes are still happening.

Possible obstacles

Often a person who declares: “I want to change” and begins to move in this direction is perceived with hostility by others.

Don’t worry about the question: “How can I change if those around me don’t support me?” faces everyone who decides to go their own way, change and develop.

An environment that prevents change

For example, someone in the company stopped drinking and no longer drinks alcohol. Usually such statements cause a strong reaction. Because you can’t just stop drinking. This requires a very compelling reason, such as illness or pregnancy. There is no other way.

People around you, as a rule, are afraid of change; they do not share your desire to change. Perhaps, if you do not go astray and achieve good results, over time, these same people will wonder how to change themselves.

But for now, they will most likely react negatively or warily.

Personality traits that prevent you from changing

In addition to people, character traits such as laziness, fear, and indecisiveness hinder change. Old favorite habits also slow down progress:

• For example, a person takes care of his health, masters healthy diet, physical exercise. But here laziness and old habits begin to attack. Have a delicious meal in the evening, skip the workout.
• Drive such desires away. Create an environment in which it is difficult for bad habits and character traits to manifest themselves. Then, over time, you will happily say: “I have completely changed myself.”

Hello! I really need your advice, because... what is happening threatens to completely destroy my life. I'm just desperate and don't know where to look for answers to my questions. My name is Alina, I'm 28 years old. My personal life is absolutely not working out despite the fact that I am outwardly attractive, I have no problems with dating and I am constantly surrounded by male attention... But there is no happiness and constancy. A year and a half ago, I broke up with my common-law husband; I was tired of constant humiliation and reproaches. I had a choice - to legitimize our relationship or to separate (at that time I no longer wanted anything with this person. Moreover, he offered me to get married only by drawing up a marriage contract and setting out the conditions there that in the event of a divorce I would not be able to claim jointly acquired property. I couldn’t stand such humiliation and of course left, thinking that I would make room for a more worthy person and a new relationship... But nothing works out - I’m just in despair. I’ve actually been alone for a year and a half - surrounded by a bunch of useless fans. And I noticed the following - they are useless because they want to see me next to them only as a mistress. And I had this problem with all my previous men - they almost never perceived me as a potential wife... I don’t understand, what exactly is wrong with me - I’m attractive, people often get to know me, it’s interesting to communicate with me and spend time with me (I also have male friends and I feel comfortable with them.) And even earlier I noticed that my friends’ wives really didn’t like me my ex-common-law husband, and I was often the only girl in my ex’s male company... I liked it, but apparently this is also a sign that something is wrong with me. I don’t understand what’s wrong - I don’t dress or put on provocative makeup, I don’t behave frivolously, I try to be interesting and witty... I recently had an affair that didn’t end in anything, because... my boyfriend did not want any continuation in our relationship - it was convenient for him to meet, spend time together and have sex. But I could not continue this relationship - I was abroad for several months (he is Italian) and I had to go home or get married to him. Of course he didn't do anything. There is only one result - I am perceived only as a woman of entertainment. Advise me something, I don’t understand what’s wrong and what to do. I have looked through a bunch of psychological books and have not yet found the answers for myself. My friends and my mother put psychological pressure on me - you’re 28 and you’re not married and you don’t really have anyone. .. I’m very tired of this and it just hurts me to think about it. And my friends and relatives are simply perplexed - you are so attractive and alone. LIKE THIS? I'm trying to find the reasons for my troubles, but so far I can't. I don’t want to be alone and I really want to arrange my personal life. I’m in despair. HELP!