With all the variety of opportunities that life offers, some people find themselves at a kind of dead end. They are not interested in anything. They just become not interested in living. How to act in such a situation? Is it possible to recognize the onset of such a state in another person? Is it possible to help him? And, most importantly, is it worth doing this at all? What lies behind such apathy? What is the algorithm of action if you are not interested in anything?
Why is life no longer interesting?
In fact, there are not so many reasons for such thoughts. They can be conditionally divided into two groups: external and internal. They all come down to human psychology. Either something was missing from him, and he lost the goal before his eyes, or he simply lost interest in what he had.
In the first case we are talking about the absence of a factor that caused. Perhaps it’s some kind of job, or even another person. For example, someone cannot imagine themselves without the sea surf and surfing, but due to circumstances they find themselves in a desert area. He is no longer interested in living.
How to understand that a person is not interested in anything
Loss of interest in life has a clear external manifestation. Such a person withdraws into himself and shows significantly less social activity. He may sit at home for several days, or, if he finds himself among people, he will be reluctant to make contact. One of the signs that someone is not interested in life is the scarcity of it, especially positive ones. A sad, depressive mood becomes the hallmark of such people.
There are also cases when someone, on the contrary, demonstrates that everything is fine with him. He does it for show. In fact, he is not interested in anything. Here they can only notice that something is wrong knowledgeable people, who will still notice the substitution.
One of the common signs can be considered excessive consumption of alcohol, or even drugs. After all, our physiology needs the production of “happiness” hormones. Not receiving them, a person tries to compensate for this at least due to his intoxicated state.
What to do if you are not interested in anything
The reasons why nothing is of interest have been found out. Now let's figure out how to overcome this. Simple and effective tips:
- Reconsider your life, analyze what is missing in it;
- Understand whether it is possible to have this, if not, then look for a replacement;
- Find, and for this, learn more about various types activities;
- Travel more often or just change the environment from time to time;
- Don’t isolate yourself, communicate more with other people, learn something new about them and their hobbies;
- Remember what aroused interest in childhood, perhaps revive those moments;
- Be in nature, unity with which can lift the spirits of even sad people;
- Go in for sports or active recreation;
- Read books, especially inspiring stories of great people;
- Eat right, eat foods that promote the production of happiness hormones (nuts, bananas, chocolate, fruits and greens).
The listed techniques are true friends of those who are not interested in anything. If you try them all, it will be much easier to achieve success. It is important to start the mechanism of returning to active life. This is the most important step on which the effectiveness of the entire mission will depend. It’s very good when this is facilitated by relatives who sincerely want to help. After all, if you are not interested in anything, then, accordingly, you will not want to become interested in something. Most often, an external stimulating factor is needed. Friends, family or co-workers at work.
There are various motivational videos on YouTube, watching which can also lift the tone of a person who is not interested in life.
Pleasant music also has a good therapeutic effect. Its importance is difficult to overestimate. Indeed, thanks to the vibrations generated musical instruments, the strings of the soul that have fallen silent can also begin to sound. Smells have a similar effect. Communicating with “our smaller brothers,” watching humorous programs, or going to a concert also significantly increases the level of productivity.
If a person is not interested in anything, the main thing is to get him out of his state of stupor. Any activity helps to get rid of negative thoughts and switch to something else. And the surge of “happiness” hormones only accelerates this process. And we must act according to the principle “if you don’t know how, we’ll teach you; if you don’t want to, we’ll force you.” There is not a minute to waste, because the longer someone catches himself thinking that he is not interested in living, the more effort will have to be spent on returning him to normal life.
A lot of letters. Sorry. I just have a cry from my heart, please help me get through this.🙏 Two years ago I met a guy in the hospital (I work as a nurse in trauma), he was after a fracture and surgery, we talked for a couple of months just like that, sometimes by correspondence, then we started dating and living together . I knew that he smoked weed sometimes. I didn’t think that this could be a serious hobby. We quickly met his parents and mine. Everything was just great. When it comes to sex, he is a god, I have never met anyone better, we have the same sexual temperaments (we both need a lot). Then everything became somehow strange, he disappeared and walked somewhere. Everything was going to hell. And then I became pregnant (although I thought I was infertile, there was a gynecological diagnosis, and this had never happened before, even though I didn’t use protection). For me it was like a bolt from the blue. I was shocked, I immediately lost 8 kg. He yelled and said to have an abortion, if I don’t do it he will leave. I refused such horror, especially since I was afraid that I would no longer be able to get pregnant. He left. But two weeks later, he showed up drunk in the morning, saying how much he loved me, and couldn’t live, that he was just scared, etc., let’s get married and everything will be ok. I believed it. His parents came to mine, discussed the wedding and all matters, everything was wonderful. But a week, a month passed, I see that he is not in the mood for a wedding, etc. We talked and it turned out that he didn’t want to get married. In short, let's move on. During my pregnancy, he behaved terribly, walked around, got high, constantly deceived me, suspected me of cheating (even though I was pregnant), said that the child was not his (at the time of conception we had already lived together for several months), left several times, then I came back, I cried almost the entire pregnancy. It turned out that he was taking drugs, harder than weed. But in the end we submitted an application to the registry office. I had to go for a routine examination by a gynecologist in the region. Hospital. Let's go together. And there they tell me that I have a dilation and need to urgently go to the hospital. (7 months ago) I lay down. And at this time he went and got high on salts. And for a week he got on my nerves on the phone, saying that I was following him and all that. He actually went crazy and became paranoid. He remotely logged into my Google account and reset my phone number. And here I am in a foreign city, with a stomach, in a hospital, I can’t call anyone, I don’t see SMS, I can only receive calls and that’s it. I was supposed to be discharged on December 30th, he called and said that he wanted to pick me up, no matter what, he would come. I. He didn’t come on the trail. Day, and disappeared altogether for a month. Thank God my mother called me and my stepfather came to pick me up. Then it seemed that that was all. What kind of meanness is this? And the only way to justify him is that he died. I met New Year, in labor, with his parents, in tears, not knowing where he is, or whether he is even alive. In mid-January his father came to collect his things. He was very rude to me and told me to forget about everything like nightmare . It’s very nice considering that I’m about to give birth. (As it turned out later, he told my parents about me under layers that it became scary. That I hang around with non-Russians, sleep with my ex, the child is not his, that I want to kill him along with my lovers. In short, such nonsense. And they believed, because he is like a light in a window for them, they did not understand that he was under the influence of drugs, and he also said, when they all understood, that it was because of me that he was using, because of jealousy). But soon he showed up. He called and said that he couldn’t live without me (again), that his parents locked him up and took him to a drug treatment clinic. And he’s there now, and as soon as he gets out he’ll come to me. He spoke a lot of words, a lot, repented, asked for forgiveness. He said that he realized everything, that everything would change, that everything would be fine. (After six months or more, I found out that this was all a lie and he had not been to any clinic). My father took me to the maternity hospital. My mother and stepfather took me. He showed up the next day. I live alone, in my apartment. He began to come from time to time. Love and all that. I thought that he had changed, that everything would be new. Periodically, he brought things, we lived together, then ran away. But we always communicated. Maybe we didn’t communicate for a couple of days at most. He did not register the child. And I didn't intend to. And this is how they lived. Everything seemed to be fine. Once again he lived with his parents, sort of worked there. (He is from another city). I told him that I was going to court to establish paternity and child support, he lost his temper and hung up. In the evening I called him, some guy picked up the phone, there was a drinking party in the background, they told me that my loved one was fucking with a chick and there’s no point in calling here, and some woman said the same thing. That was all. I realized that that’s it, he died for me, I hate him. And for two months I lived like this, alone, without him at all. I calmed down, reconciled myself, started communicating with others, and went on dates a couple of times. There was one good guy, a serious worker, who gave flowers and all that. But nothing happened to anyone. And I still decided to take the application to court. A couple of weeks later a summons came to the meeting. I thought he wouldn't come. But they told me that he was there and left, I didn’t see him, they counted him as a failure to appear. (If he didn’t show up three times, he automatically lost the case. If he showed up, either he would admit paternity or have DNA done at my expense) I saved up some money, the amount was not small, I was sure that I would do what I would do. But he showed up for the second meeting. He said that the child was his, and he agreed to go to the registry office to register him. We went straight there. He ran after me again, saying that he loved me, and how bad he felt these two months. To be honest, I also skipped a beat. Moreover, two months without sex is a nightmare for me. She suggested that he just have sex. He agreed, but couldn't 😅. We agreed that he would come to me and everything would be okay. He arrived and everything was done, and the soul rushed again to heaven. Togo nice guy I blew it. This one moved in with me. And everything went great. No drugs. It became absolutely perfect. We lived for several months without any pain. Until he snapped again. I sniffed the salts, ran around the city in only shorts, and was really paranoid. I took it down from the balcony and hung it on a cornice. He jumped out of my car while it was moving. (The effect of this nasty thing lasted about three days) in the end he ran away from me, and went to the police, sat down on their doorstep, and began to say that my common-law husband and I wanted to kill him, and he was so persuasive, and not he looks like Garik, I almost didn’t believe it myself. The cops believed him and started looking at me sideways. Eventually his parents came and took him away. I knew that I couldn’t live without him, and I didn’t even quarrel with him, he left them, and came again, and they healed even better than before))) for the first time in all the time, we went together to his parents, where I learned a lot of new things about him and about themselves, they saw their grandson for the first time. I talked to his mother and explained everything as it is, that it was because of the drugs that he was like this, it seemed like we understood each other. We began to live normally with him again. And yesterday he went to the pharmacy in the evening, and returned an hour later, he did not pick up the phone from me. It turned out that he was smoking again. I told him everything I thought, that he was worthless, incapable of anything except sex, etc. And she kicked me out. When he packed his things and left, I felt so bad, so upset, sorry for our baby, he loves him, plays with him, laughs, he doesn’t laugh with me like he does with this unfortunate dad. I started telling him to stay. But he left. Here are some more facts: he already has a child, he got married at the age of 20, she is somehow not prosperous, from his environment. His parents are almost entirely involved with his child and provide for him. They never even gave ours a hundred rubles. He never supported us and never brought us any money. He sold the car and spent all the money on drugs, machine guns, etc., he didn’t give me a penny. Sometimes little things came from him. But absolutely no financial stability. I am a young, pretty girl. I have a normal job. Own apartment, car. Financially, and in general, I don’t depend on my parents or anyone else. I read a lot, I don’t watch Dom-2. I cook well and love to do it. The house is always clean. I don't drink, I don't smoke. My figure is excellent, even after giving birth. I never deny my man sex; I’m ready for a lot in bed. I have everything. Now even a child. I understand that he does not deserve me at all. My loved ones consider me not normal because I continue all this with him... He is very gentle and affectionate, he always says a lot of words that make girls melt. It's as if he truly loves me. When it comes to sex, he's simply a god. Gets along very well with the baby. This is perhaps all its advantages. But I can’t just break up and not communicate with him, I have some kind of addiction, from him or something, or from sex with him. I’m afraid that I’ll be left alone, that my son will have a stepfather, and how he will treat him. I'm afraid of growing old alone. I’m afraid that I won’t find anything else that suits me this way in sex (in fact, this means a lot to me, if it’s not enough, I’ll cheat 100%, but I don’t want that). With him I don't even think about others. And now I’m still on maternity leave (the baby is 9 months old), there is no communication, nothing, I sit at home alone with the baby all the time. I can only leave it with my mother for a couple of hours, and even then not always. I'm still breastfeeding. Out of fear of loneliness, I continue to communicate with this finished person. Although after he left yesterday, I don’t know what will happen next. What will happen next, what should I do, how to deal with this, I don’t understand. Help me with at least one word. Thank you.
I am one of those who have had no luck with men in any neighborhood in my personal environment. That is, starting with the father. My father beat me from the age of 2 to 20, until I left home. I understand that he is an alcoholic, and his alcoholic father also beat him. But according to Freud, it leaves a mark. Platonic relationships suddenly fell apart over a trifle. I decided to have a close relationship with a man at the age of 24, but he turned out to be married. Infected with chlamydia. The next one also turned out to be married. Both hid this fact. The second one got divorced, but also cheated on me, drank, and infected me with syphilis. I broke up with him and recovered. After that, he had 2 children and a family, and divorced his 3rd wife. With others, the scenario was the same, only it was no longer syphilis, but chlamydia. We were breaking up. I was undergoing treatment. I was alone for 5 years between relationships. I was afraid to give birth to children like that. The gynecologist, an old lady in her 70s, said that in her area, 90 percent of pregnant women are sick with something. And that I won’t find anything healthy. Give birth, he says, from the one who is. We will cure. So I lived to be well into my 40s without children. Healthy, wealthy (was), I bought three apartments in my life. All men were supported financially by various reasons. Now I live with my parents. 5 years alone. I want sex and am afraid at the same time. Fear outweighs. Probably somehow karmically forbidden me to have children and a family. A guy half my age was hinting at a relationship to me. The hints and beating around the bush have been going on for 4 years now. I don’t even support such conversations. You could say we communicate as friends, since we have to meet in a social environment. I don't need to have sex with someone. We need relationships. I can't imagine a relationship with him. There is sympathy. But I try not to show my feelings. There must be something wrong with me if I come across men only offering to get laid. On the one hand, there is mutual sympathy - don’t give a damn about everything. On the other hand, I don’t want to experience another loss. He tried to manipulate me, which is why I abruptly stopped communicating with him. I realized that the situation was repeating itself. He has changed, and he no longer allows such things to happen to me. But there was an attempt. One hope is that in a year I will stop seeing him, everything will be forgotten, my test of not contacting him will end. Meeting someone the same age or with a difference of no more than 10 years younger/older. And while he is before my eyes, I can’t think about anyone else in terms of relationships. We are waiting.
I’m 25. All I have now is a job, a car, part of an apartment, since I live with my grandmother, and behind me there are only losses and the understanding that I am absolutely alone. Loss of loved ones, betrayal. I’ll start with my family, here I understand that my own father never needed me. We lived in the same city and he never even tried to see me. I have no brothers or sisters. Mom passed away 2 years ago from cancer. She was waiting for her loved one from the army, from whom she most expected support, when he came and cheated on her and left for her, though not for long. Exactly a year later I crashed, on the same day I crashed. After that there were attempts with others, one ended recently, a year later, but there was no future there, divorced, with plans different from mine, and in relation to me, indifference, just convenience. Friends. All my attempts to make friends with someone ended with people disappearing over time, finding better people, or simply stopping communicating. To this day I have tried to make acquaintances, communicate, because I am not a closed person, I can communicate, but now I don’t see the point. I don't see anything. Besides work, I do massage; I can’t say that I only sit at home. Until recently, I saw the meaning in everything, worked, studied, made plans, took care of my body. And now, I don't see him.
I recently talked to a guy, we hung out for exactly 4 days, he was the initiator, we talked on any topic, then he suddenly stopped calling and then writing altogether. I don’t understand what’s wrong, of course I won’t ask. Conclusion: I’ll go for a few walks. For a week I called a friend to go out for a walk, either she was looking for excuses, although she wanted to go before, or she was really busy.
I don’t consider myself beautiful at all, not even attractive, although I take care of myself, I recently got eyelash extensions, I take care of my hair, I play sports, I passed the GTO, I go to the gym... And now the question is, why is all this? If they love and marry others, fat ones, thin ones, not the most beautiful ones. They have never met me on the street, in a public place, etc. I don’t even know if anyone can love me, I consider myself uninteresting. Our city is very small, but this is not a problem, I got into the car and after 40 minutes I'm in a big city, but what's the point if you're alone? I was going to St. Petersburg for the holidays. Question again, what is the meaning of one? Feeling even more lonely? But I want to communicate, I’m not one of those who close themselves off from the world. Something happens to everyone, people meet, get married, children are born, girls with children find boyfriends. But for me everything is in a spiral, one result. I know, yes, the reason is me. Become cruel, indifferent?
The alarm clock rings - it's time to get up. I have pictures in my head of what needs to be done today. As usual: get up, go to the bathroom, have breakfast, get dressed and start living a new day. With all the problems, noise and responsibilities. And all this makes you want to close your eyes and fall back into sleep - a wonderful haven of tranquility. Because there is nothing interesting in the coming day. However, as in the previous one. And the body simply does not find the energy to act: the alarm clock rings and rings, and we delay the moment of getting up. Until the last possible minute, or even further, when it is no longer acceptable to be late. And then - you can completely give up on everything in the world and stay in bed all day: I don’t want anything, nothing is interesting, why do you need to live at all, who came up with this? And it seems that there is only one problem: sooner or later you will still have to get up and go where you need to, but don’t want to. But in fact, this is just the tip of the iceberg, the “subconscious” part of which we are not even aware of.
Why do you sometimes (quite often) have the feeling that there is nothing interesting in life?
How can you cope with the feeling of not having even the slightest bit of interest in life? How to find the strength to still live?
What to do to make life full of joy, and not a state where you don’t want anything and nothing is interesting?
Not all people experience periods of “nothing-wanting-nothing-interesting” in their lives, but those who know about them first-hand usually say that they accompany them throughout their lives. And at school, and at college, and at work, and in retirement. Nothing changes. Some people say just that: I have a condition as if there is cotton wool inside - I don’t want to do anything, and everything I do, I do mechanically, as if on an automatic machine.
Other people tend to define this state as laziness. Those who have never experienced anything like this are especially categorical in this judgment: as if wound up, they cheerfully rush towards their goal - they study, go to work, get married, get carried away and have fun, and all this is interesting to them. They scold those who don’t want to live, let alone breathe, and give recommendations on how to overcome such negative conditions, usually making diagnoses and labeling them.
But what can we say about others if we ourselves, sufferers of the “wanting nothing” syndrome, are looking for the causes of such conditions in our negative character traits. We scold ourselves for being lazy, apathetic, and depressed. We think that we need to finally change our job to something we love more, or that we need to complete things that have been put off for months (or even years). All this, of course, does not add optimism. Moreover, drowning in all this, we cannot find a solution to the problem. Because we don’t even think that unloved work, laziness, depression, etc. - this is only a consequence, not a cause.
Do not want to livebecause nothing is interesting! What to do?
In fact, the feeling of lack of “something you don’t understand” has absolutely precise reasons. When we have no specific shortage, for example we would like better job, family, children, love, money, etc. When everything seems to be fine, but you don’t want anything, then the root of the problem should be sought not in general attitudes or stereotypes about laziness, but, perhaps, in the peculiarities of the sound vector. What if it's all about the sound?
Modern sound engineers are very susceptible to just this condition: they don’t want to do anything, there is no goal in life, there is no interest in anything. The reason for this is special desires that lie deep in the subconscious of the sound artist. They often feel life as meaningless, and therefore as one in which there is nothing interesting. This feeling arises for the reason that the sound player has wish that other people don't have. This is the desire to understand meanings. Behind every action, behind every word and deed, there must be an answer “why is this?” And when there is no such answer, it’s a disaster.
“You have to go to work. Why? Well, to earn money. Why? Well, to afford all the benefits of life. What’s the point? Who needs it if I’m going to die anyway?”
The sound guy is no different from other people on earth in that he is lazy. It’s just that others don’t have this additional desire to comprehend. They just go to work, just have babies, just do normal things and enjoy life. It never occurs to them to ask the question: Why is all this even necessary? Of course, they have other problems in life: for example, envy, resentment, anger, slander, etc. But all this can be overcome - that’s why they quarrel, make peace, fight, love each other, and so on in a circle, for centuries and millennia. But the sound engineer can’t do that. He sits under the dome of his depression - his lack in the form of the question “why?”, but not seeing the answer to it, he feels life is meaningless.
In fact, there are meanings behind everything, behind our every action. But where to look? The sound artist searches, gets carried away, but is just as quickly disappointed. It seems that there is nothing interesting in the world, that everything is primitive and unnecessary. Further more - when there is no meaning in life, a person feels this whole life as a continuous heaviness. That is, it is necessary to constantly overcome oneself, to find the effort within oneself for an action that does not bring pleasure.
It is not surprising that against this backdrop, suicidal thoughts may come to mind from time to time, and then often - since there is no meaning in life, then why not end it ahead of time? I want more and more to get rid of the hated body, which only hurts - it constantly demands to go to the toilet, then feels hungry, then gets sick.
When a sound engineer doesn’t have answers to his questions, he not only can’t do anything, he doesn’t get stuck in a state where he doesn’t want anything and nothing is interesting - he loses the opportunity to live altogether.
Or it could be different!
If the sound artist finds meaning, that is, comprehends his life, the lives of other people, begins to understand WHY all this, where it came from and where it is going, then his sense of life changes dramatically. There is no more cheerful and optimistic person than a sound artist filled with meaning.
And here it appears Vital energy, the desire to communicate with people, unravel their essence, find all these meanings and go further and further, in order, in the end, to comprehend not the life and actions of one person or group of people, but to understand the meaning of the life of all humanity, the foundations of the universe, the reasons for creation universe. A person who thinks about all this will never have the feeling that he is not interested in anything in life, that he is tired of everything, that he wants to die. He will never say "leave me alone!" and “I’m tired,” on the contrary - every minute of his life is felt by him as a gift.
There is a way out - it is also an entrance: this is the knowledge of the unconscious!
Today, every sound person already has the opportunity to fill himself with what he lacks - meaning. It is enough to study the latest research about
Hello. I am 33 years old, married, no children, my husband is 9 years younger, my first husband was 5 years younger. I look very good, young, impressive, 25 years old, these are not my words - the words of my sister, acquaintances, classmates. From my parents I am a late child, they are 66 and 68 years old. Mom is despotic, unloving, unkind, manipulative in character, dad is loving, soft, understanding, “under the thumb” of the mother. I have a higher education, but I work with whatever I have to, relationships in teams don’t work out because I don’t know how to defend my point of view, I don’t know how to be in a team, or, on the contrary, I’m rude from lack of self-confidence. Well, I think I’ve told you as briefly as possible about myself. My problem is that I notice that people communicate with me, but then they don’t look for a second meeting, they don’t invite me somewhere, unless I call myself, then we meet, on my initiative. They don’t miss me, they don’t hug me warmly when meeting you like your other friends. Sometimes it even seems that my husband is not interested in me, although he says that he missed me (again, after I ask about it) when I leave. And people honestly aren’t particularly interesting to me, although that wasn’t the case before. I can’t even remember when it started, but for some reason I force myself to ask people questions, to be interested in their life, family, although I don’t really need answers, I just stopped understanding why I need this information, I don’t see the point in knowing who was born to whom who went to kindergarten, who abandoned whom, who has what job, etc. Therefore, I noticed that I often forget these events and my friends say, “I already told you, you forgot.” Well, I learned all these things and what next, what to do with this information? nod and smile, how interesting am I to listen to this? And at the same time, I am dependent on people’s opinions, I want to be liked, I always ask my husband if he is meeting with a company in which I was previously “They didn’t ask about me, why couldn’t I come?” and in that spirit. When I hear that no, they didn’t ask, I feel very bad and I begin to feel like an insignificance, I simply don’t exist, no one needs me and I begin to dislike these people, I try to understand, analyze “why are they like this, or what’s wrong with me,” I can leave for a while I retreat into myself and don’t leave the house anywhere at all, for a while I become completely antisocial and can’t even bring myself to go out to the store to buy bread. Then after a while this feeling lets go and everything goes back to the old rut. And I can’t understand why, even if I specifically try to be lively, tell something funny or interesting, be interested in people, I’m still not interesting and people don’t remember me as a person they always want to see in their company. I also often evaluate myself and my behavior from the outside all the time when communicating with people - if I decide to be cheerful, affectionate, caring, gentle, understanding - then after a while it begins to seem to me that I am ingratiating and groveling and therefore not everything to me “they go” but don’t appreciate it, or on the contrary, I decide to be strict, self-confident, with principles, my own opinion - and then I hear from people that I’m a rude, arrogant bitch. Sometimes I have periods when I am happy to communicate, it’s fun to be with me and people seem to be drawn to me, they start calling, but I quickly get tired of people, I can’t always pretend to be a “cheerful, cheerful person”, they start to come out again some kind of complexes, fears that all this will end soon and I will withdraw into myself again, become isolated. How can I find my true self or get back that cheerful girl of 15 years old, when I was told that I was an out-of-the-box thinking person, an interesting person and that it was comfortable and easy to communicate with me? What needs to be done for this, I am ready for any experiments. Thank you.
Hello, Margarita, I’ll probably disappoint you, but it’s not at all necessary to do any experiments. Everything is very simple and at the same time complex: I was really struck by this phrase in your letter: “Sometimes I have periods when I enjoy communicating, it’s fun to be with me and people seem to be drawn to me, start calling me, but I quickly get tired of people , I can’t always portray the role of a “cheerful, cheerful person”, some complexes are starting to creep out again, that all this will end soon and I’m withdrawing into myself again, withdrawing.” - I read it three times and I can’t seem to get my head around one, in my opinion, glaring contradiction, you write this thing, that when you communicate with pleasure, people are drawn to you, but you quickly get tired of them, because It’s difficult for you to portray the role of a cheerful person, and here, Margarita, it’s not at all clear how this happens if you communicate with pleasure, and suddenly you get tired of the role of a cheerful person? think about it? one more thing, in your letter, you write about how much you do to ensure that those around you evaluate you correctly, and you try to do something for this, in my opinion it is not surprising that you get tired of people if you constantly next to others, not to be yourself, but to play roles, any actor needs rest, forgive the metaphor. “Sometimes I have periods when I am happy to communicate, it’s fun to be with me and people seem to be drawn to me” - Margarita, what kind of person are you that people start to be drawn to you? were you watching yourself at that moment? How are you different from the one who tries to look so that she will be appreciated correctly? How do you feel when you communicate with pleasure, are you close to your real self at such moments? Why do you start to be afraid if you communicate with pleasure? - “some complexes are starting to come out again, that all this will end soon and I’m withdrawing into myself again, closing myself off.” - Why do you need this? useful work fulfills this fear? Margarita, why do you need to play roles? what do they give you? are you protecting yourself from someone? or maybe something else? watch yourself?
“How can I find my true self or get back that cheerful girl of 15 years old, when they told me that I was a non-standard thinking person, an interesting person and that it was comfortable and easy to communicate with me?” - and where did this girl go? and why do you need it? Margarita, who do you live for? for others or for yourself? and for whom do you want to live? How is it that you were easy to communicate with, but now you care so much that now you only think about the impression you made on others? Who do you want to be funny for? for myself? or for others? The path to myself begins with understanding why I measure myself against others and what is the reason why the opinions of others are so important to me? If you constantly rely on the opinions of others, it is not surprising that you lose yourself in order to find yourself - it is important to allow yourself to be yourself, and do you allow yourself to do this at least sometimes? live for yourself? ignore others? live in pleasure for yourself and for your own pleasure? Margarita, I would recommend that you contact a psychologist in person, since your question is quite serious and requires the presence of a specialist; many questions arise for you that require additional research into your personality. I wish you to return to yourself.
Sincerely, Elena.
Begunova Elena Leonidovna, psychologist Almaty
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0Hello, Margarita. It’s amazing how much you know about yourself, despite the fact that such feelings are often unconscious and only slightly guessed about. It’s all about your ambiguous upbringing during early childhood, when your character is formed. An authoritarian mother can easily be treacherous, controlling, neglecting, humiliating, comparing,
shaming, limiting. She probably could have been more or less gentle with you, or not dangerous when you fulfilled your duties and rules well. Thus, you could conclude that you will only be treated well if you are different at first you will give something. Hence, your desire to seem like someone. But, you get tired of this and retreat into your boundaries. Therefore, relationships with others are uneven. And they may doubt that you are real in communication. This may explain some chilliness and indifference. This whole bouquet can be overcome with the help of psychological work. And it can be long-term. The speed will be restrained by your fears of being different and natural. Therefore, psychological support is preferable. Contact me, I’m working with it.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist Volgograd
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Have pity on me
Before rushing to help a person, you need to figure out whether he really needs it. It happens that our close people, sad as it may be to admit, simply play the role of a victim. He likes to painfully lock himself in a room, as if in a cell, and philosophize for hours on the topic of the meaninglessness of existence. But if you try to offer such a person real ways to solve his problems, he will find a bunch of excuses and reasons for not doing anything. Therefore, if you know that a loved one is like this, under no circumstances rush to help him. On the contrary, do not react to his behavior at all, you can even make fun of him. Such people just need to be pitied. They don’t want to change anything, shake themselves up, or look for a way out of the situation. On the contrary, they like to wallow in their grief, pretending that they don’t need pity, but in fact, enjoy how everyone runs around them, tries to help, encourages them, and so on. Therefore, if you decide to help such a person, it is better to talk to his loved ones and warn him that under no circumstances should you react to his suffering and apathy. If everyone stops fussing with him, then over time he will have to pull himself together, because he will understand that no one cares about his suffering. And he will simply become uninterested.
“I don’t know what to do with this trouble...”
If your loved one is faced with some problem and cannot solve it, then try to help him with advice and action. It happens that we lose interest in life, because many problems pile up that are difficult to understand. If you suspect or know this is the case, talk to your loved one. Initially, he may refuse, but if he is one of those people who makes contact, then sooner or later he will tell everything. A frank conversation will make him feel better, but this is only the beginning. You will need to make every effort to convince the person that life does not end and everything will be fine. You can remember any similar stories with a happy ending, convince, motivate, offer your own ways to solve problems. You have to make the person believe that he is not the unluckiest person on the planet and everything can be resolved, you just need to shake yourself up and believe in yourself. Remember that nothing can be solved in one day and there will definitely be more failures along the way. Most importantly, never leave your loved one alone. You must control him to some extent, help, encourage him and not let him become discouraged. Then, over time, he will overcome all his difficulties and will be able to enjoy life again.
It's fun to walk through the open spaces together
If your loved one is sad and moping, if he doesn’t need anything, then your task is to interest him in changing his usual environment. It’s easy to mope within four walls, but try moping while hiking in the mountains. Therefore, come up with a cultural program for him that will be interesting and varied. Just don’t force a person to do something he doesn’t like. You need to choose exactly those activities that he associates with something good, make him remember fun times, and so on. If he loves the sea, there is no need to drag him to the mountains, and if he is a homebody, there is no need to send him to a nightclub. Just make sure he goes out in public more often. Let him change his environment, make new acquaintances. Therefore, try to distract him from the routine and captivate him with something new and unknown. It’s especially good if your loved one is easy-going. Then you can constantly pull him out of the house somewhere. But even if this is not the case, still change at least something in his life: start a renovation, take him to the dacha, and at least bring a bunch of new comedy series and watch with him - he will laugh and be distracted. And the more fun there is in life, the less this life seems uninteresting.
“We’ll cure you...”
In our country, going to a psychologist has not yet become very fashionable. Many people think that stupid Americans can afford to waste money on such things, but we, normal people, just need a bottle of vodka and a friend who will listen. Unfortunately, in some situations, a friend, unless he, of course, has a diploma in psychology, does not always help. Therefore, if you see that the situation is getting worse and all your attempts are leading to nothing, then you should still offer to a loved one going to a psychologist. Of course, you may run into resentment and an inadequate reaction, even accusations that you consider him crazy. Here you should pull yourself together and explain that a psychologist and a psychiatrist are radically opposite things. Even the specialty of a psychologist is obtained at a humanitarian university, and a psychiatrist - only at a medical university. You can also say that you will go to the reception yourself, although you certainly don’t consider yourself crazy. But when a person flatly refuses, gets angry, literally goes berserk, you shouldn’t insist. Instead of helping, you will finally convince him that he is a nonentity and his life is insignificant, so what is the interest in it. Although, on the other hand, the situation may worsen, but here you will not be able to help without his consent.
I do not want anything!
Before this, we talked about situations when a person is not interested in life, but wants to get at least some help. But is it worth offering it and imposing it when they openly tell us that they don’t want anything? In this case, you should never put pressure on a person. If he openly declared that life is uninteresting and he himself does not want to look for meaning in it, since he is satisfied with everything anyway, there is no need to convince him, scream, cry. Your behavior will not change anything in a positive direction; on the contrary, it will lead to the fact that the person simply closes in on himself. Therefore, instead of lecturing, persuading, dragging somewhere, just be there. Don't let him completely lose touch with the colorful and interesting life. Tell news, stories about the ups and downs of your friends and acquaintances, sometimes give him information that may relate to his interests. But just don't push. If a person consciously chose such a life and refused help, then you will not be able to change anything radically. He will either come to the conclusion that it is impossible to live like this and change everything, or he will exist as he exists.
