Why does the husband leave for his mistress? How often do wives ask this question, crying into their pillows in the evenings? Of course, there can be many reasons, because family life individual. However, it is worth considering that perhaps you yourself are to blame for what happened. Psychologist and sexologist Valentin Denisov-Melnikov talks about why wives should not neglect themselves, turning from a princess into “I’m a mother.”

“Men take mistresses according to various reasons. Today we’ll talk about a case where a woman neglected herself, gained excess weight and cellulite, and after this she had problems in her family. I know hundreds of such stories. I heard from my clients who came to me both as a psychologist and as a corrective massage specialist. Usually a woman needs help from both a head specialist and a body specialist, because... It is necessary to correct both the attitudes that led to weight gain and the body itself, of course. For example, I remember a client who came for a massage with the following story:

25 years old, gave birth to a child, I thought that now the family was established, I had a son, and I could relax. Relaxed to 100kg. My husband has a mistress. Half my weight. He left for her almost immediately. That’s why I came here, that I need to get in shape.

The story is typical. Women often think that if they got married and gave birth, then life has happened. “I’m a mother” serves as an excuse for everything. But practice shows that husbands are not convinced by this argument. Fair or not, if a woman wants to have a strong family with a worthy man, then her communication skills, sexual functioning and appearance must be on top. Well, at least two of these three parameters should be very good. Otherwise, the man begins to have questions:

Why do I need this?!

And there are so many young, beautiful, slender and thirsty women around. Can you guess what's happening? Yes, maybe I’m not writing very pleasant things, but I know what a relaxed attitude towards their appearance. That’s why I say that excellent physical shape will increase not only your self-esteem, but also your chances of a happy personal life. But even if you think that I’m not entirely right, read what men themselves think about excess weight and cellulite in women. Who do you think they will prefer? So, here are some typical opinions from visitors to my website:

For those who are sick of children and husbands, maybe flabby cellulite Poles are a common thing, but for those who are just getting married, with cellulite butts and legs, there is little chance of finding a good man.

We men are attracted to those whom we would prefer for procreation (so that the offspring can inherit the same traits). The man is looking for a healthy female, the woman is looking for a healthy male. Women, would you pay attention to a sporty guy or a fat guy in a company if your goal was procreation? Whose genes would you like to pass on to your child? Will a guy choose a cellulite, overweight girl or a fit, athletic girl? Obviously. You can find someone with cellulite for sex, but the demand for heavily cellulite women is much lower.

I agree. When I was 20 kg more and covered in cellulite, I was still a cheerful person and the life of the party. But they looked at me more often as a friend. Now my same friends look at me completely differently - with sexual interest, with a desire to have a relationship. I received three marriage proposals in a year. And when I was fat, no one asked me to marry. So men don’t like fat and cellulite men when it comes to sex and offspring. And wives need to remember this, otherwise the man will leave for a thin and loud girl.

Cellulite and fat suck. Because of this, I am now forced to have sex in the dark, because I am ashamed of my body. And I’m not going to be proud of it, but I want to get rid of it. If my husband were cheating on me now, it would be unpleasant, but as a human being I would understand him.

A man weighing 100 kg does not excite a man, but girls weighing 50 kg are very beautiful, seductive, and desirable. Their fat doesn’t hang around, their butt and thighs don’t look like jelly. They are active, energetic and flexible. And oh, how the man gets hard on them! And only Rubens stood up for fat women. All you can hear is “Rubens, Rubens.” And all because no one else thought thick legs were beautiful.

I have a lover who constantly praises my body. When I saw my wife, I understood why. I'm terribly afraid that when I become a wife, I'll neglect myself. No, you always need to keep yourself in shape. Then a man won’t look at others like that.

This is what men and women think. But good news for wives is that if they stop thinking that “Family means getting fat together,” and take care of their appearance - start eating more healthily, go in for sports, get a massage - then they will have every chance of not only to avoid cooling off your husband, but also if this does happen, quickly arrange your personal life again. So, wives, take care of yourself, otherwise mistresses are still leading in the competition in appearance!

A distant relative is crying: his wife is disgusted, fat, childish, even the thought of sex with her enrages

I don't want a wife anymore - she has turned into a fat, lazy cow

A distant relative is crying: his wife is disgusted, fat, childish, even the thought of sex with her infuriates him. He doesn’t get divorced because he keeps his daughter, and he has invested a lot of material resources. But he doesn’t know how to live with her, he no longer has the strength to look at this domestic ruminant. His claims don’t matter to her, she knows that she won’t go anywhere.

What should I say to him about this? Tie the organ in a knot, if you don’t want to, don’t do it, they don’t force you, take a mistress and all that?

Nothing would hold me back in such a situation where there is no moral and physical satisfaction. Child? Who doesn’t allow him to communicate with him after the divorce. But when he raised the question of divorce, his passion was furious and called him traitor

Why change anything? She is happy with everything; after maternity leave, she never went to work, hiding behind the fact that the baby was often sick, and they did not get out of the hospital.

I quote the injured party - the husband:“Yes, I don’t mind that she sits at home, only if it would be useful. She turned into a fat cow with greasy hair, things scattered around, the kitchen was a mess that you didn’t want to go in, let alone eat. How many times has he hinted that it would be nice to take care of her appearance, she has everything for this. But after that, scandals began, either he would blame my ex, or he would create scenes of jealousy for a colleague. A complete madhouse. What kind of sex life is it if I’m already sick of it?”

Many people go through cooling and there are plenty of reasons for this. But I don’t understand women at all who, after getting married, turn into something like Freken Bok - a huge woman in an apron. They are ready to put a big, fat end to their sexuality and attractiveness, simply because they are so comfortable and lazy.

It turns out that the traitor in this situation is not the husband at all, but the wife, who no longer cares what feelings her husband feels when he sees her. Is not it?

Today, the entire Top is filled with discussions of a certain post in Ru.psychologist, where, as I understand it, the husband is asking for advice on how to subtly hint to his wife that she has gained weight and encourage her to lose weight.
I didn't read the post. And I won’t look: everything is clear. And they probably advise you to buy her, as if by accident, a beautiful dress one size smaller, or a very beautiful, but tight swimsuit, you can combine this with an invitation to a reception where everyone will be in evening dresses; go on a diet yourself and start going to the gym; talk about someone who lost weight using a magical technique; leave books about weight loss and the dangers of excess weight on display; arouse jealousy by pretending to be interested in standing, etc.

The reaction of bloggers is also understandable.
Lena Miro writes that only the most pathetic man would live with a fat woman, and not with Lena Miro. Therefore there is nothing to talk about.
But if suddenly a terrible thing happened, and a rich man married, as expected, a beauty, and she did not take care of herself and became fat (“got mad,” as this great woman writes), then his solution is this: he must humiliate her in every possible way, beat her, kick her out onto the balcony to freeze, and threaten to kick her out completely if she doesn’t lose 3 cm from her waist in a month, and then every month until her wife returns to the desired size. And only Lena Miro’s book will help her with this - you can order it there.
Still, Lena has a strange idea about rich people. Do they marry exclusively beauties? Someone lives with the wife he had back in Soviet times. There are many arranged marriages among their children, and all sorts of business alliances are established through marriages. So it was and so it will be, although someone can afford to take a dowry for the sake of PR.
Then, the husband must insult his wife, beat him... Does Miro really think that every man has such a need? A few can purposefully bully people, and these are very unhealthy people.
Well, I’m not even talking about the fact that a person who wants to lose weight will find a better way than reading her amateurish compilation books.

Another blogger with a nickname like “Kiss my ass” writes that the husband should be ready to tell the bitter truth. One woman once told her that she had gained weight, although the weight gain was very small - this forced her to go on a diet, and she is grateful to that woman.

Some write that there is no point in complaining, that the wife who gave birth is no longer as slender as she was as a bride, and that it is mean to reproach her for this.

Many people believe that letters to Ru. Psychologist” is written by the blog owners themselves. May be. This is much easier than studying letters from readers and then correcting them. This is what they do in all similar sections. But this does not mean that there is such a problem.

I myself know of two such cases. In both cases, the women became very fat after giving birth and were unable to lose weight. The husbands said, “Sorry, honey. I understand everything, but I can’t sleep with you anymore. You're making me depressed. I can become impotent this way! I don’t refuse to help the children, the apartment remains yours.” And they left.
The women were left alone. With kids. They never lost weight. One had already died due to thyroid cancer, but she managed to get her son back on his feet. The second raised 2 good sons. She is very sick. They even cut off her belly, put a mesh on her, she has an erysipelas and much more. She went to work by taxi because she couldn’t fit into the bus turnstile. But she can't lose weight. She really eats a lot. She says that this is her only joy. What is this - lack of will? But she has the will to live, work, do everything around the house, and get treatment. Maybe we should consider this a type of addiction? Let’s say “food addiction” is treated as a type of drug addiction? Everyone knows that dealing with addiction is difficult.

The husbands, in fact, helped with money and saw their sons. But what’s interesting is that they live as bachelors. They never got married, although they probably had some women. I think they divorced not because their overweight wife did not create desire in them, but because they themselves had problems with this desire. Most often, impotent men change women: everyone hopes that this time it will work out with this woman.

So don’t go from a sore head to a healthy one. In my opinion, there is no need to tell your wife that she has gained weight - she already knows and worries about everything. If he can lose weight, he will lose weight. If you can't see her anymore, leave. Just keep in mind that you may be leaving the sick person alone with his misfortune. It's not very pretty, no matter how you look at it.
Although, all people are different. Maybe someone just misses beatings or humiliation. But for some, every sideways glance stimulates them, and they bend over backwards just to appear perfect. I sincerely feel sorry for the latter people: you can’t put a scarf on every mouth.
So there are no general recipes.