How I live alone with two children. What to do if you are left alone with two children? How not to give up

Good day! Dear site visitors, please help with words of support! My story is not much different from others! It was transferred twice!

We lived with our first husband for 8 years, dated for 5 before that, got married when we were both 19, had a child, I was on maternity leave, he didn’t help, he left home all weekend, starting on Friday! Then I noticed that at work he very often communicates with one girl, I knew her, we all worked together in one place, from there I went on maternity leave! She started telling him about it and started scandals. Then I went to work, the job was new, I studied and learned everything, I was terribly tired! And then, when I raised my head, I realized that the girl was next to my husband: they were going for lunch, etc. In general, as a result of showdowns and scandals on my part, he filed for divorce, first once, then again! We were divorced, I don’t think there’s any need to explain what I went through to anyone here!!! Antidepressants, psychologists, psychiatrists - I went through it all! I thought it couldn't get any worse!!! And a miracle happened, I met a young man! I immediately perked up, finally dismissed my ex-husband, he was worried, ran after me, although he himself was divorced!!! But at that moment I decided everything! I fell in love with my second husband! And I don’t know how to do it any other way, I tried very hard for everything to be fine with us! I waited, cooked, tried to be cheerful and light! He said that he loved him too, wanted children, and he himself proposed marriage! A few weeks before the wedding day, I noticed that I was writing some messages to a colleague and demanded that I stop personal correspondence! He agreed, but unfortunately, the first bell had already rung, I was not on my guard! We got married, went on our honeymoon, and I immediately became pregnant! In the sixth month, I found in his mail correspondence with another colleague, compliments: like what legs, etc. I told him everything, asked him to stop! Okay, okay, honey, I love you! I went on a business trip, returned, I found new correspondence with her, and bills for the room in which they lived together! I was in shock when I was eight months pregnant!!! I begged, persuaded, we had nothing, etc. How I survived all this, I don’t know!!! A son is born! I didn’t take decisive action, I should have kicked them out right away, but I scolded and was afraid that I would be left alone with two children! Then I went to work, family - home - children - beloved husband!!! Everything seems to be fine, he says he loves me, but I don’t believe it anymore, and I remember this story endlessly! And as it turned out, it was not in vain! In December, maybe even earlier, the next one appeared! I only found out about it in March, although I participated in something different! There are corporate New Year parties together and correspondence, like I love you and different sweet words!!! Now two months have passed since I found out everything! We were rocking like a boat in a storm!!! Did you find out why? Him: everything is fine, I love you! I don’t communicate with her anymore, I took the details of his phone calls on April 30, he calls her himself!!! I talked, told him not to repeat it again, sowed the password from my phone! As a result, I found her photo from May 8th on my phone!!!

I have no more strength, I asked to leave, although I had talked about it before! I didn’t want to, but today I came, collected my documents, laptop, and said: I’ll rent an apartment and take my things out!!! I have a question: he was never married, he really asked for a child, it seems, and he should have walked around by now, he’s 30, but he walked for a year, out of a year and a half of marriage? Why get married??? He wanted it himself! It was not my initiative.

Why do I feel so bad? I myself asked him to leave and, it seems, I was right, but I can’t stand it!!! My heart is breaking into pieces, I feel sorry for my 10 month old son! The result is one with two children! Tell me, please, am I doing the right thing?

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Elena, age: 32 / 05/13/2015

Responses:

Dear Lena! You initially let everything go on the brakes. If you forgive me now, alas, it will only get worse in the future, you have children, work, you have something to live for, and live happily...
Think about it, do you need a family where there is no trust and respect???

Marina, age: 34 / 05/14/2015

Elena, everything is correct! It’s very hard, it hurts, but it’s right...You have a similar story, a third marriage behind you, but zero brains, again the same rake. I just really want a real family, comfort, warmth, so we close our eyes, forgive, think he’ll come to his senses... But no! Hunchbacked, as they say...
Live for the children, for yourself, return to a normal life - without him. It will be very difficult, but it will pass, believe me.

Evgenia, age: 33 / 05/14/2015

Helen, you didn’t really have a choice. Staying with him means living in eternal fear and anticipation of betrayal. He will never change. And it's not about you. He is such a dirty man.
Your life has great meaning. So far only in children. But believe me, this is only for now. You will still have everything. Dating, meeting and meeting with the most the best man. Now just live. Work, children, summer is coming.
I like how M. Gorky once wrote: “Every day you live is a little life.”

Everything will be fine. Hold on, I hug you.

Julia, age: 41 / 05/14/2015

From my own bitter experience I was convinced that a person can stumble once, and then it becomes part of the system.
Over time, you stop respecting yourself for forgiving such things, and he, of course, also stops respecting him, loses the fear of losing you, because you agree with everything. We must try to start respecting ourselves and not allowing ourselves to be treated this way. I myself am now in a similar situation, I’m trying through all my might not to think, to slowly let go of everything. A person who betrayed once will betray again and again. You understand that only time will help. I decided for myself that in the next relationship, if I only hear calls of this kind, I will stop them immediately. So as not to have time to get used to the person: after all, the longer it is delayed, the more painful it will be later.
Good luck to you, everything will work out for you, as they say, after the darkest night the brightest day will come.

Alisa, age: 26 / 05/14/2015

Lenochka, in my opinion, you were in a hurry by marrying your second husband without getting to know him properly. Perhaps you wanted to escape from a past relationship, and found yourself “out of the frying pan and into the fire.” Psychologists say that it is advisable to enter into a new relationship when the certain time, which we need to rethink, internal work finally, to work on the mistakes made in past relationships, and this period can be about a year. “They don’t knock out a wedge with a wedge,” and you, out of emotion, immediately entered into a new relationship with a person whom, in fact, you did not know, otherwise, having understood his essence, which consists in constantly receiving pleasure from life through new affairs, you would not have become involved your life with him. But what’s done is done, experience is the son of difficult mistakes. You definitely did the right thing by asking him to leave. Such a person was not created for a family, for pleasure, yes, experience it with dignity, I am sure that everything will be fine for you, the children will give you strength and faith that everything will work out. If you are a believer, then turn to God for help, ask for help from loved ones and friends, and distance yourself from him. The only thing is that you must apply for alimony.
And do not rush into the next relationship with a man without getting to know him well and making sure that he is a serious and responsible person, and this can be seen primarily by actions, and not by words.
A person is designed in such a way that any subsequent relationship begins from the same point where the previous one stopped. And if you parted with a person with resentment, with unsatisfied expectations, then the following relationship will begin with this same expectation: “But he will meet me halfway, give me what I need?” This will already be stressful for that partner at the start. The prognosis will not be good. Therefore, take your time, get over this insult and do not let it settle in your soul for a long time. Use this time - live for yourself and your children, get to know and love yourself!
Good luck to you, hugs to you. Forgive me for being too categorical, I just wanted to help you.

Elena, age: 38 / 05/14/2015

Ksenia, age: 42 / 05/14/2015

Elena, you are doing the right thing. Keeping a family together makes sense if both need it. Clinging to something that is actually destroyed and has no potential for restoration, out of fear of being left alone, out of fear of leaving children without a father, is pointless. Neither you nor your children will be happy in a family where there is no trust, respect and love. You will be in constant tension, constantly suspecting and controlling your husband, which is quite natural after everything that happened. There are two people in prison: a prisoner and a guard. Think about it, do you want this kind of life? I don’t believe at all that you can “walk around”. There are simply people who cheat, and there are those who don’t. Neither at 20, nor at 50. That's all.
It is very difficult for you to let go because you are attached to the person. This is understandable and natural. But if you set yourself the goal of getting rid of this painful addiction, then you will definitely succeed. There are plenty of resources. Read the articles on the site, turn to religion, to a good psychologist.
Elena, it hurts to be betrayed twice. You ask yourself endless questions: “Why?” and why?". But most spiritual teachings (not only Orthodoxy) say something like this: “If you suffer, it means you have sinned.” In different formulations. Think about it. Work on yourself, turn defeat into victory. Use this pain and this disappointment to grow spiritually. Strength to you, patience and optimism!

Anna, age: 25 / 05/15/2015

Hello Lenochka! I also wrote my story on this site. I also forgave and waited 15 years for everything to change for the better. But it is apparently impossible to correct the character and inner world person. It is impossible to instill a sense of responsibility in a man who has not been familiar with it since childhood. I always believed that family is work. Working on yourself for the benefit of those who are next to you, which means it is not at all burdensome, is if there is love, care, respect and responsibility in the family. Unfortunately, neither 10 nor 15 years later the miracle happened. My ex-husband hasn't changed one bit. As a result, he left us for a life in which there is no need to care about anyone. Forgive me, maybe I’ll be wrong, but your husband, judging by your story, is also a frivolous and irresponsible person. And the words “I love you” don’t mean anything to him, just words and that’s all. He spoke them so easily, but they were at odds with his deeds. It’s just been a week since I started life alone with my son, but a week ago I heard the same thing - “I only love you.” And here we are alone. So believe after that. It’s very difficult for me now too. Nothing makes me happy. But I'm trying. Thank you to all the girls for your support, I really hope that I will still be happy. And now, in turn, I want to support you so that you don’t feel lonely. To be honest, I am very glad that I found this site completely by accident. This is real and necessary help in such a difficult period of life. I wish you, Lenochka, and your children goodness, peace and self-confidence, and, of course, Happiness.

Irina, age: 40 / 05/15/2015

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In our lives, it often happens that events do not develop according to the scenario that we had thought out in advance. We want to be happy, but we experience periodic failures. We want to get married once and for all, but men tend to be unfaithful. We want to raise our children in a healthy, happy family, but for some reason we are left alone with the sad fate of a single mother. How not to give up if you are left alone with two children? How to live further? How to deal with the lump in your throat and the incessant desire to burst into loud crying?

What to do if you are left without a husband with two children?

Psychologists recommend studying several rules that a single mother of many children should subsequently follow as her established principles and beliefs. Life is striped with black and white stories; everything cannot always be perfect. Whatever happens, if you are scared that you are left alone with two children, and even those born in different marriages from two different men, this is not a reason to become depressed. Remember that you are the mother of two beautiful children, whom you must raise to be good people.

There are a huge number of reasons why a woman may be left alone. This could be the premature death of a man, or the manifestation of infidelity on the part of the spouse, or the troubles of the young man in terms of his predisposition to excessive alcohol consumption and prolonged drinking bouts. Be that as it may, being left alone with two children is scary. “I’m afraid of not being able to cope, I’m afraid of financial difficulties, I’m afraid of being a bad mother for my children” - these thoughts haunt the unfortunate women who are left in such a difficult situation. TO daily worries, cooking, washing, cleaning also adds a huge amount of labor, time, effort and expense necessary to support and care for children. This is morally, physically, and financially very difficult. How not to give up?

Don't deviate from your life principles

If you are left alone with two children from different marriages, this is not yet a reason to compromise your beliefs and follow the lead of everyday failures. No matter what society imposes on you, no matter what the neighbors, acquaintances, and random passers-by around you tell you, turn all your actions in the direction you need. Turn everything in the direction that is most convenient for you. Be guided by your principles: you yourself know what is good for you and what is bad. Only you can determine what is best for your child, so you have the right to make your own decisions in this regard. Set a goal for yourself and go towards it: you will see, you will succeed.

Set goals for yourself and achieve them

Build a diagram of your tactical actions in your mind. Or keep a notebook for these purposes. In it you can write down your long-term and current goals, the achievement of which will allow you to overcome a series of everyday troubles. Carry out what you planned step by step. You are faced with a global condition: the need to raise your children to be healthy, smart, conscientious members of society. So try with all your might to fulfill your maternal destiny: when taking care of children, use every minute rationally. Engage in self-development, read with your children, learn something new. If you are constantly busy, you will not have a single second to think about how unhappy you are and how difficult it is for you to carry this burden. During the strategic step-by-step execution of tasks from your notebook, you simply will not have time for this kind of frustration.

Know how to take a time out

Do fasting days. If, after a divorce, you are left with two children and feel like a squirrel in a wheel that seems to never stop, take the initiative into your own hands: stop it yourself. Otherwise, one day your strength will run out, and a nervous breakdown will not take long to occur. Why bring it to this? Just determine for yourself one day a week, which, although you will not be completely devoted to yourself, because children require constant attention, will at least be freed from homework housework. Minimize all work activities, just communicate with the kids, play with them, watch funny cartoons, read exciting books with them. During nap children, allow yourself to take a bath, fill it with foam, add natural aromas, turn on relaxing music quietly, just relax. Carry out a standard set of care procedures, feel like a woman - such manipulations are very effective in lifting your mood and giving you self-confidence. So why not take a moment and treat yourself?

Consider a reward system

We all know the carrot and stick technique, through which we achieve control over our own or someone else’s actions and actions. Choose the so-called bonus system that suits you: reward yourself for every task you overcome, celebrate your victory with a small cheesecake, stimulate yourself. We managed to get the children into kindergarten, we finished all the paperwork with the registration - go with the kids to the amusement park, eat ice cream, cheer yourself and the children up by talking to the clowns. Get used to celebrating every small achievement with a pleasant pastime, and then you will have an incentive to move on.

Be optimistic

Single mothers often think about what their fate will be like after a divorce from their spouse. Left alone with two children: how to live on? Painful questions need to be pushed into the background. Learn to think positively. In the end, you are left with excellent babies that require the attention of a happy and smiling mother. Everything that happens has a specific meaning. If you have to go through difficult moments now, it means that there is something bright waiting for you ahead. You need to be able to live and enjoy life, be content with what you have. You cannot blame someone for your own misdeeds or complain that someone is more successful than you. We decide our own destinies. We create ourselves, model our future. Therefore, it depends only on us what it will be like. And the fact that now you have to go through a dark period in life, endure the hardships of life as a single mother - this is another lesson, a test, an obstacle to life path, overcoming which you will become stronger.

Understand that change is inevitable

In order not to give up and not give in to despair, you must understand the fact that everything in life changes, and the black streak will definitely be replaced by a white one. Sooner or later, suffering and difficulties will come to an end: the children will grow up, everything will become much easier. In the end, perhaps you will still meet a worthy man who will be yours. reliable support and support. With him it will be much easier for you to deal with troubles, family worries and troubles. Everything will change someday. You shouldn’t give up just because you can no longer believe in a happy outcome. Have the inner strength to fight adversity, even if just for the sake of your children. Prove that you can do it. Just think: you spend so much of your precious time only because you are afraid of hopelessness! Believe in something good, expect changes, or better yet, make these changes yourself.

Strive to achieve your goal

Apathy and inaction will not help you overcome your fears and panic attacks that have been visiting you since the moment you were left alone with two small children. In order for life to take the right direction, you need to strive for something. Do you want to see children happy? Want to feel stronger? Do you want to feel the support of a worthy man? Then strive to achieve these benefits. In small steps, one after another, try to achieve what you want. Determine for yourself what is most important in life and what is secondary. Once you gain the understanding that there are much more important things than these temporary difficulties, your hands will no longer give up. You will begin to achieve desired result, through thick and thin.

Understand the degree of responsibility

As a mother, as a person who is responsible not only for your own life, but also for the well-being of your beautiful babies, you must concentrate on self-preservation and monitoring the well-being of your own children. You cannot afford to give up, if only because in addition to yourself, you have two more magnificent babies who require maternal attention and care. By bringing new people into the world, we take on a huge responsibility. Without being able to answer for our actions, we do not have the right to be called individuals, representatives of society, or independent social units. Pull yourself together, take a sober look at things: there is nowhere to retreat, you only need to move forward. Believe me, your children, as adults, will thank you three times for your diligence and efforts to raise them into real people. They will always remember your love, care, affection that you gave them. There is nothing better than a feeling of accomplishment. But raising fair, smart and kind children is our immediate duty to society.

Take things easier

If it happens that after a divorce you are left with two children without support and help from loved ones, this is not a reason to despair. How you relate to what is happening, perceive certain failures, life disasters and everyday troubles will directly depend on your mood, morale, ability to withstand the blows of fate and repel attacks. Look at things from a different angle, develop healthy optimism. Don't forget the good old saying, keep your glass half full. Know how to extract the positives from even the most unfavorable situations.

Don't be afraid of criticism

Remember that you are surrounded by people just like you. No one has the right to reproach or judge you: they judge you in court. And the words of the “jurors” from your environment who tell you that you are doing something wrong or doing something wrong are empty words. Don't get hung up on the words of those who criticize you. Take it easy on what they say about you. Do not react to gossip about your husband leaving the family; ignore them. You will definitely cope with all adversities if you do not succumb to the opinions and influence of others.

Provide yourself with a friendly environment

Many women today are concerned about the problem of loneliness. Left alone with two children from different marriages: how to continue to live? The key to success lies in harmony with yourself and the people around you. Protect yourself from envious people, haters, and ill-wishers. The negativity that comes from your environment can involuntarily be transmitted to you. Let only those closest to you be nearby: communicate with your parents more often, bring your children to visit your grandparents, spend more time with your brothers and sisters. Stay close to those with whom you are most comfortable, and do not allow deceitful people to slander or compromise you.

Learn to forgive

If for some reason you are angry, hateful, or have an overwhelming feeling of resentment towards the father of your children, you will not be able to calmly continue raising them without looking back at the past. Let go of the situation. Stop flagellating yourself with daily memories, reproaches, and remorse. It is not good for a mother of two to live with anger in her heart. Better direct all your energy to raising and getting your children on their feet. This will be much more correct than looking for an opportunity to take revenge on an unfaithful man.

Convince yourself that you can handle it

Are you often tormented by thoughts like “I’m afraid to be alone with two children”? Your man left you and your self-esteem has dropped significantly? Stop tormenting yourself with complexes. Do you remember the movie about “the most charming and attractive”? There was a scene where main character stood in front of the mirror and convinced herself that she was incredible beautiful woman. One way or another, in the end storyline she finds what she has wanted for so long - the attention of a worthy man. So you understand one thing about yourself important thing: You - Strong woman. Because only the strong can, left alone with two babies in her arms, overcome her misfortunes and try to live new life. Are you giving up? Set yourself the mindset that you can handle anything, that you can overcome it all. Psychologists say that this kind of self-installation is incredibly effective. It’s as if you are programming your consciousness to cope with all the troubles, even if alone.

Fight your enemies

Learn to remove obstacles in your path. Deprive your enemies of the opportunity to influence you. And we are not talking about specific people here at all. We are talking now about human fears. About experiences. About lack of faith in one's own strength. Often those who do not know how to deal with their own phobias give up. Don’t be led by fear and panic, direct all your strength to overcome the negativity that accumulates inside you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and finally take action. Only then will you be able to see the result.

Don't be afraid to take risks

It is probably easier for representatives of the stronger half of humanity to cope with such a task. If for some reason a man is left alone with two children, he finds an elementary way out of the situation - he works for the benefit of the family, and hires a nanny as a nurse, or even finds a new life partner and new mom to their children part-time. But for women everything is more complicated. After the loss of their spouse, they close within themselves, become isolated in communication, and begin to experience certain complexes. It is difficult for them to look for a new man. It seems to them that the next husband will be similar to the previous one, with all his shortcomings, reproaches, complaints, and possibly even betrayals. They have a fear of never loving anyone again, so they are afraid to open up to a new contender for their heart. But such behavior is unfounded. You need to persistently pursue your happiness. After all, this is a justified risk. Take risks, open your heart to new acquaintances, meet the man you like, let him know that you are a woman and that you need support and a strong, friendly shoulder.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes

Don't complain about your mistakes: you need to learn from them, not get angry. There is a proverb: he who does not work does not make mistakes. It is also appropriate in in this case. If you are left with two children in your arms, without a husband and without confidence in the future, understand that this is all temporary. Time is fleeting, a bad page is turned over, a new blank sheet is revealed, a black streak of life is replaced by a white one. We learn to appreciate and understand the delights of wonderful moments only when they are preceded by sad ones. We always compare the bad with the good, and therefore, against the backdrop of a striking contrast, the delights of life are revealed to us in the little things. For this reason, there is no happiness without failure. You can't be angry at your own mistakes - they are given to us for experience.

Analyze your behavior

Learn to take stock of your actions and analyze your behavior. When you make mistakes, work on them. Take it from the current situation for yourself important points, the awareness of which will definitely be useful to you in the future. If a woman is left alone with two children, born in different marriages from different spouses, this is a reason to think about the fact that perhaps the wrong tactics of behavior with men were chosen, or the wrong people were chosen as life partners. One way or another, it always makes sense to think about this topic. Then you will be able to understand why this happened, which means you will not allow mistakes to be repeated in the future. Learn to determine how not to behave and which young people need to be weeded out on the first date. In this case, the correct choice of a worthy contender for your heart will be more likely, and then you will no longer be afraid to stay with two children.

Love yourself

Psychologists say that self-love is considered a unique incentive to work on one’s fears and beliefs. Learn to be proud of yourself, your children, and the things you do for them. Hard work, patience, the desire to find happiness - all this will definitely bear fruit. Know how to appreciate your merits, stimulate yourself to new achievements, achieve your goals, and then you will have no reason to suffer because of your own powerlessness against fate.

I have two of them. A boy and... a boy. Seryozha is 3 years and 4 months old, and baby Andryushona is 1.5. The difference between the children is a year and 11 months. It just so happened in my life that, having breastfed my first child for up to a year, a couple of months later I became pregnant a second time. The pregnancy was unplanned, but the decision at the family council was made overnight - we feed one, we will feed two.

Honestly, there was a storm of doubts in my soul - there was no apartment, my health was not so great (I had not yet recovered from my first birth), my career was in shambles, etc. My husband had no doubts: “But we didn’t have enough abortions! If you kill a child, how will you sleep later?” Sleep is relevant. I want to sleep peacefully and not suffer from nightmares, I already have enough of them in my life. I didn’t have to think long - I went to register at the clinic.

My second pregnancy was not so easy for me. Firstly, a weakened body, and secondly, in the last months of pregnancy, she still lifted Seryozhka in her arms: either to help her get out of the crib, or to carry her across the road, or the baby would cry and feel sorry for her. When I came to the doctor with a complaint that my stomach was not feeling well, probably due to the fact that I often lift the child, she widened her eyes at me: “You see this child, but you don’t think about the one in the stomach!”

Scold me, don’t scold me, but I had nowhere to go. Of course, they came up with everything they could: they cut out several slats near the crib so that Serezhik could climb out on his own, asked strangers to carry the child across the road, etc. The garden saved us. I sent Seryozha to the nursery when he was 1 year and 7 months old. I went with pleasure. There are children and toys. There were some sniffles, but not my first, not my last, they began to harden, which is also a definite plus.

History repeated itself: I’m pregnant, celebrating New Year 2003 with a jar of pickles. My mother also cried with happiness, my husband gave flowers, but my mood could not be described by words existing in the Russian language.

Having gone through the torment of a barren hell, I gave birth to Seryozha in 2002. It was a gift of fate! Having become pregnant for the second time, for a long time I could not imagine how I could share my love between my children.

The doctor was right - I saw and loved this child, and still could not get used to the unplanned “life in me”. The feeling of happiness was somehow vague, indefinite. But days and months passed... The baby pushed me for the first time: Mom, I’m fine! The husband looked at the photographs taken after the ultrasound examination with emotion. Seryozha lay down next to him and, resting his head on his stomach, waited for the baby to tell him when they could play cars together. Under such pressure, I retreated. My dear, my little man has become so necessary, so desired.

I gave birth on July 12th. My sister Anna sacrificed her vacation and offered to take Seryozha to his mother in Krasnodar region. All the way to the airport, terrible pictures floated before my eyes: my mother will not be able to put him to bed, because my son sleeps so badly, she will feed him incorrectly, but he has a weak stomach, the neighbor’s dog will bite him if he teases her, he will be bored and sick...

I felt like a stepmother, sending her still only child thousands of kilometers away just because I couldn’t, while pregnant, fully care for him. I sobbed, standing at the window of the waiting room, and Seryozha, taking Anna by the hand, calmly walked towards the plane, without turning around, not at all regretting that he was leaving home.

And when every evening I hung on the telephone wire: “Well, how is he?”, “How does he eat?”, “How does he sleep?”, my son made friends with the neighbor’s dog and did not even want to talk, limiting himself only to the words: “Mom , hi, I sat down (went) for a walk." He ate well, walked all day in the fresh air, slept soundly all night and generally felt (unlike me) excellent.

And here we are at home. All. The first months, putting the children to bed, I cried in the kitchen about my difficult lot as a woman. When I came to work after giving birth and told my boss that I had another son, he sympathetically asked: “It must be hard with two kids?” To my affirmative answer he consoled me: “It’s okay, it’s hard for the first 18 years, then you’ll get used to it.”

I was sitting in the kitchen, counting how old I would be in 18 years. It turned out that I would have to “get used to” up to 47 (rounded up to 50, taking into account the fact that maybe the boss was mistaken). But I only have two of them, but what about those who have three or four? But what about those who have children the same age? I calmed down that everything would “settle down” over time.

And sure enough, life slowly returned to its groove. She fed the younger one and at the same time told the older one a fairy tale, cooked porridge while the younger one was sleeping and the older one poured buckwheat from one glass to another, set records for the speed of cleaning, washing and cooking. I learned patience, quick reaction, developed acute hearing and 100% vision, and I also have time to work “from home” (my gentlemen need new fashionable things!). In short, whatever is not done is for the better, and 18 years is not so much.

Is it hard for me now? Yes and no. Yes - when children are sick. Viruses in our family spread at the speed of sound (or a sneeze). Seryozha came from the garden in the evening with snot - wait in the morning, the youngest will 100% get sick. And you don’t need to go to a fortune teller, I know everything in advance. I’ve adapted to drink Aflubin - it’s mine Ambulance. If you don’t have time, that’s it, watch out.

Last February we treated conjunctivitis for a long time and persistently. We were cured only when the children were taken away. The mother-in-law took the eldest, and the youngest and I were cuckooing at home and dripping into our eyes. There is also some kind of adenoviral infection in the background, and again in both.

Yes, it’s hard when we don’t sleep at night. One wakes up, the other wakes up too. We take the children to their rooms, rock one to sleep, calm the other. Grandma joins in - some water, some on the potty, and dad gets up at 6.30. If one already started crying, then the second one is guaranteed to roar too. Until he was one year old, Andryushona slept three, and then twice a day.

It's hard when children have different routines. Seryozha kept trying to see if the baby was sleeping and woke him up. Now they sleep for 2-2.5 hours at one time. It became easier.

Yes - absolutely no personal time. It's all occupied by children. If one child can still be placed with relatives for an hour or two, then two is already a problem. But in any case, we go out into the public once or twice a month. We enjoy every minute of freedom and, bored, return to our noisy, restless little one. Tired relatives go home, and we proceed to the most important time of the day - the evening. We put away the toys, bathe them, give them milk, read fairy tales and go to bed.

No, it’s not hard - when the children can now play together. There you have it. I give Serezha the camera, and he takes pictures of Andryushon - they both squeak and laugh. Or Seryozha reads books to Andrey, and he points his fingers at the pictures and babbles something in his gibberish language.

In the morning, cheerful children’s voices are heard from the kitchen: “Mom, I’m feeding Andryushka porridge, give me more!” There is fun in the kitchen: both are in porridge, one is trying to feed the other with a spoon, the other is eating as best he can, or maybe mostly with his hands. I feed the supplement myself. I wipe and wash the table and chairs. The children are full, the mother is happy.

Seryozha assembles the construction set - Andryusha then disassembles it. If they quarrel, they will make up. Are they fighting? No! This is strictly prohibited. Seryozha feels responsible for younger brother. Children learn to communicate, solve problems and regulate conflicts, find compromises: “Mom, I gave Andryushka a yellow car, but I took a red one for myself...” The younger one cries, the older one calms him down: “Well, don’t cry, I’ll let you play with the Audi.” .

Quarrels over toys are extremely rare, only we, adults, follow a strict rule: buy identical cars for children in duplicate. Both want to play with the new car, and while they decide who needs which, they may quarrel.

Collectivization in its positive perspective. The older one blows out the gas in the kitchen, and the younger one twists the lamb off the stove. The fun is complete. Therefore, the entrance to the kitchen is barricaded. Children are allowed to visit the kitchen only with adults.

There was a question on the agenda in our family. As it was, it floated away. We unanimously decided to use the money saved on a nanny to buy a sports center for the baby.

The father is fully involved in raising little men. During the day - virtually on the phone, I only hear: “Dad, mom makes me put away the toys!” A five-minute conversation, and Seryozha, puffing, assembles the construction set and places the cars on the shelves.

In the evening, the doorbell rings - dad has come! Little monkeys cling to the legs of their pants: “Dad, I built a garage for KamAZ, and my mother and I also sculpted mushrooms, and Andryushka almost ate one!” Meanwhile, Andryushka spreads yogurt on his dad’s new trousers.

Of course, I also have an assistant - my grandmother. At the very least, you can run out to the store or go to the library. If there is no assistant, then walking with two small children in public places requires some skill. I agree with the older child that not only should he behave well, but also look after the younger one. You have to “pay off” with marmalades or gingerbread. But the store is completely idyll. The sellers look with affection at my children, mincing behind me and calmly waiting in line.

Many people plan for a small age difference - this, undoubtedly, has many advantages: the economic factor (you spend less money on clothes, because the younger one follows the older one, especially if the children are of the same sex), the psychological factor (children develop well in at least a small age, but still team). But if “it happened like this,” you should know that the burden is not too heavy, and all problems can be solved, there would be a desire and a positive attitude towards life. After all, there is nothing more joyful than a morning that begins with a cheerful child’s chirping:
- WITH Good morning, mommy!
- Good morning, my beloved!

Dear mom

Personal experience

Dear mom

Comment on the article "About my life with two small children"

Very nice article. You are well done! All the feelings and experiences are so close to me, so familiar. I have 4 children. We planned everyone ourselves. There is practically no help other than my husband. The youngest one was born a month ago. Of course it's difficult. Sometimes it’s even very difficult. She went through a lot, both physically and mentally. There was almost depression. Now things are starting to look up. I am very happy, thank God. I also really want to engage in self-development, this is very important for me, but I don’t have time for it yet. With the help of Allah everything will work out, you just need a little patience.

07/24/2018 17:33:57, Lu_Mu

chydesnaya stat"ya, prosto kom v gorle i slezi na glazah. Tol"ko vot kak podymala chto menya takoe mozhet zhdat" - i srazy rashotelos" na vtorogo rebenka idti. moemy pervomy 1 god i mesyaz. v samom nachale hotelos" eshe odnogo. a seichas yzhe i ne hochetsya. mozhet, popozhe, kogda etot posamostoyatel"nei da posoznatel"nee stanet... A za stat"u spasibo.

01.02.2007 14:46:44, natalia

Great! You are Mom with a Capital M! I have only one child so far, a daughter, she is only 6 months old, and I really want her to have a brother or sister, and for them to be no more than two or three years apart... But it’s a pity that so far only I want this , but my husband and parents don’t even know what I think about it... And if they find out, best case scenario, twirl your finger at your temple, because with my health (in the sense of 42 kilograms of weight... everyone is surprised how I gave birth to my first!) to think about a second child after such short term- suicidal, besides, I still have to finish university, and my living conditions leave much to be desired... But I still have everything ahead of me! And I wish you to remain the same patient, agile and savvy mother! Good luck to you!

21.04.2006 22:51:16,

Total 43 messages .

“Initiator” does not mean “culprit”

Even if you leave, you don’t have to consider yourself the destroyer of the family. From that family, perhaps, only an empty shell remained for a long time. Someone is cheated on, family money is stolen from someone, someone has been having sex with someone for years exclusively at 6 in the morning, with someone sleeping. And in the evening, no, sorry, not today. You can't have a bottle of alcohol in someone's house. If one of the two believes that the marriage is over, then the marriage is over.

If you leave because a prince from Monaco is taking you and your children to his yacht... Then you will deal with your guilt yourself, and you don’t need additional discussions. So anyone who tells you what a fool you are for ruining such a wonderful family goes to the garden.

Don't try to stay friends

If a spark flashed between you at least once in your life, if you had any passion at all, God forbid you try to put on a good face and remain friends, get into a position and all that.

You are parents of common children. You have responsibilities towards these children. It is somehow impossible to force another person to fulfill these duties even in marriage. Without marriage, you have two options - to score (and, by the way, this is an excellent method to later fight off well-wishers and the inner self-righteous. “He was such a great husband, you say? He doesn’t even pay alimony! Why is he like that to us?”) or to scratch through court.

If you get more money through the court than with a travel card, maybe it makes sense. By the way, it is worth remembering that ex-husbands have a funny tendency to forget about verbal agreements about helping children as soon as they have a new personal life. And it will arise.

And maybe. If he does what he promises. If your new man met him, he said, “You actually have good taste. But I was luckier.” If the children slowly got used to his new one and jokingly call her stepmother. If his new one calls you to complain about him, and you laugh together - then, then you can become friends. But still keep your distance.

This is not your war

Whatever he plays now, whatever he does now, whoever he stays with, and whatever he says, it doesn’t concern you. It's not your problem anymore. Of course, he can call and ask in a special voice “what kind of demonstrations? Why did you unfriend me on all the networks?” to which you need to answer in a clear voice “and this is so that you don’t see my locks, of course.”

If he wants to communicate with children, let them communicate directly. Doesn't your child have a phone? Let him buy it. This is not your problem.

Don't discuss reasons for divorce with children

You can and should discuss the consequences with them. We will now live there. So that. With such and such people. Dad will see you then (here’s a dangerous moment, don’t forget to insert “he says so.” Otherwise dad will promise new skates and the whole world to boot for your birthday, but he won’t come at all – and you’ll have to deal with the consequences ).

If a controversial issue arises, call your ex on Skype with the child on your lap and politely say, “Sorry, Victor, Tanya doesn’t quite understand whether she should expect you this weekend or not. Explain to her yourself, please.” And then you calmly leave the frame.

To accusations that you are setting him up, answer with a clear conscience that you are no longer responsible for his relationship with his children, and you are not obligated to sort them out. Your duty is not to say nasty things about him to your children, so you don’t say them.

And the reasons for divorce with children can only be discussed if the children are already so old that you can drink vodka with them. In terms of pedagogy, it is approximately the same.

Ask for help and take it

We once wrote how to help a friend who was getting divorced - so we sent this post to everyone who asked “how can I help you?” You are going through a difficult period right now. Minus the brain hunger from a dying relationship, minus the everyday services of an adult, plus the inevitable anxiety and neurosis of half-orphaned children, minus the money that the ex did bring to the family.

Here, as I remember, we used to be able to make money easier after a divorce - the man ate something to eat, but threw five thousand a month into the common fund. But, if you decide to get a divorce without leading to such an absurdity, then money will become more difficult. And the opportunity to go somewhere has become even rarer, especially if the children are not high school students.

Ask for help. You won't always be freshly divorced. Sooner or later you will stop being sick, the children will sooner or later accept the situation and also stop give the country coal All will settle down, in general. Then you can return the help. Or pass it on.

Be with your children as much as you can

According to the airplane principle - put an oxygen mask on 1. yourself 2. on the child. Even if these are students who knew almost all of dad's quirks, your decision to leave is sad and traumatic for them, like a fire made of their children's toys.

“So everything I learned from them doesn’t work?” It is clear that they are freaking out. Another question is what should not be made of you drain pipe for this negativity. Use the “okay, kids, I’m going to make your mother” method and come cheerful and energetic. And fill the gap with grandma, nanny or his turn.

Is it all mom's fault again? I’ll go alone to the kitchen to drink coffee. I’m going through a divorce, I’m worried, and you sit alone. Have you woken up? Let's eat ice cream? or shall we go to the bathroom and throw paint?

It is also useful to hang a punching bag in the house. All of you have aggression through the roof right now, it’s good to have somewhere to put it to good use. And the children, looking at their mother screaming and hitting a pear with a mop, will stop considering their mother boring. Even if such a thought could creep in on them - after all, a person is in a state of constant self-control: “No, I’m not crying. I will not die. I have things to do. Okay, let's go to kindergarten…” usually looks just gray and boring.

If you find an opportunity to go somewhere with your children, consider your strength and decide who you will put the oxygen mask on. If yours is already in place, then we take care of the children. Maybe blame part of the trip on someone else and only take half of it for yourself. But you have to give half of it to the children - it’s very scary to feel that your second parent is leaving you.

Go ahead and play the fool

Now, honestly, no one will see how the three of you lay in bed all day and sing along to Pierrot from the Soviet film:

You and your children are friends, actually.

Text: Asya Mikheeva
Photo: Shutterstock

When I was pregnant with my first child, naturally there was not enough money. The husband worked and studied at the institute by correspondence, and the loan had to be repaid. Several times he tried to quit the institute, but I got more and more into debt for the sake of his studies. Time has passed, our son is growing up, a job, a car, he has higher education, respectively career I'm slowly paying off my debts. But one day the child was diagnosed with a disease and was being treated in another city. I didn’t work for several months, I was undergoing treatment, I somehow tried to pay off old debts, but there were also new loans. I had to quit my institute. But somehow I managed. My son, thank God, was cured, but then I became pregnant with my second child and went to maternity leave, accordingly, there is no money again. We had to take on new debts to cover the old ones. I didn’t say anything to my husband about my difficulties, I thought I could handle it. But no. When the debts exceeded the maximum level, my husband found out and then everything happened... As a result, I was left alone with two children, without work and without housing. He would arrive soon and told us to pack our things and leave. He doesn’t want me to disgrace him because of his debts, because he works in the police, I can disgrace him for fraud. But I’m not a fraudster, I actually have no money. My loved ones turned their backs on me, my husband kicked me out, what should I do? I thought about committing suicide, but I can’t abandon my children, because no one needs them except me. In the end, I was left with nothing. That's why my husband has everything... It's good that the kids are with me, I have only one joy left...
Support the site:

Elena, age: 32 / 05/25/2018

Responses:

Hello, Elena! The situation is really not easy, but we need to strengthen ourselves, at least for the sake of the children! Try to explain to your husband when he “cools down” that you tried for the sake of him and your family, you thought you could handle it, but it didn’t work out. Does he really leave his children homeless and kick them out?! It’s somehow unfair on his part, in my opinion. The children need you both, so hang in there! All the best to you and a speedy resolution to your difficulties!

Zyf, age: 32 / 05/26/2018

Elena, firstly, I don’t think that he will immediately make such a difficult decision. You can tell anyone this out of emotion, but to decide to take such a step... Even if the children and your unenviable position do not stop him, he will be afraid of difficulties, because his profession is very specific. Believe me, he would really not want his bosses, colleagues, or just friends to find out that he is ready to leave his family. Moreover, in such a difficult situation. It’s not so important why or who caused this situation, what’s important is that he doesn’t want to deal with it. He understands perfectly well that he will lose not only his family, but also the respect of people. And, quite possibly, a job. This is not an empty phrase for a fairly adult person. If this inexplicable act does happen, don’t give up anyway. Not just for the sake of the guys. You are a young woman, there is no need to sum it up. Yes, it may be difficult now, but such periods happen to almost everyone. You have to save on everything, borrow. In this situation, there is no need to hide anything from your creditors, and, moreover, lose contact with them. They must understand that you acknowledge your debt, but there is simply no way to repay it yet. Try to find a part-time job, not full-time. I remember at one time I had to work at night while the child was sleeping... You can try working remotely, for example, as a dispatcher. You can also provide information or place an order via the Internet. Although this, of course, depends on the region. In any case, look for information about vacancies, maybe you will get lucky. If you have to look for housing, consider options in less prestigious areas of the city or even in the nearest suburbs. Remember, this won’t last forever, so don’t get too upset. If it’s really difficult, look for social centers to help women. The name may be different, but this option may be useful. They will help you with housing, even if it’s temporary, and provide legal assistance if you need it. Elena, maybe some advice will be useful to you. In any case, I wish you and your guys all the best!

Arina, age: 50 / 05/26/2018

Hello. Elenochka, for the sake of your children, you must be strong and hold on, but it’s difficult and difficult, but you have them and they will give you strength so that you can live and be strong. Don’t even think about suicide, it’s a sin and also what will happen with your children? Who needs them? What future awaits them without you. Whenever bad thoughts come to mind, always think about the children. And you also know how many unsuccessful methods of suicide there are and the person does not die, survives but remains for the rest of his life disabled. And this is the worst of all. Find out in the city where you live whether there are crisis help centers for women and children. Also turn to your loved ones for help, because the world is not without good people maybe someone will shelter you for a while. The children will go to kindergarten and you will have time to find a job and it will become a little easier. God has given you a great gift - children! Take care of yourself and them! It seems to me that you will definitely find a reasonable solution. Look for kind people! There are no such people, then look for a social service where you can go and they will help. Just type it on the Internet. If you can’t find a social service, go to church, go up to any granny or go straight to Father and say, you find yourself in such a situation and tearfully tell everything, there will be help. Dear person, please do not despair! Get together and take action! Life will get better, there will be opportunities. For now, you may have to live not in the conditions you wanted, but in a calm and psychologically healthy atmosphere, and then everything will work out. The main thing is to live! You are needed. Look for support in the church, tell us about your current situation. There are crisis centers for women in many cities - contact the administration. Everything will be fine, the most important thing is, dear Elena, that everyone is alive and well, and the rest will work out and everything will be fine with you it will be fine. God help you. Hang in there!

Mulan, age: 26/05/26/2018

Hello. Of course, Elena, children are a joy, thank God they are alive and healthy, and this is the greatest wealth! Contact the nearest crisis centers, you can get a job there for now, find a job, little by little you can get back on your feet, rent a room. Everything will definitely work out! Let difficulties not break you, but only make you stronger. No debt is worth a human life! Especially Mothers with a capital M. You are smart, you can handle it and overcome everything!

Irina, age: 30 / 05/26/2018

I can’t even believe that this happens. Hang in there. Better yet, go to your husband’s boss and explain the situation so that your husband understands that it is not debts that are shameful, but such actions. I also found a decent one. All the best to you.

Asya, age: 30 / 05/26/2018

File bankruptcy. There are support services - you are alone with the children.

Veronica, age: 45 / 05/26/2018

That is, you survived a situation where, as a wife with your husband, you alone supported two children and treated one child?
There is no technical possibility here to ask why you could not ask your husband to lend his shoulder.
But it’s clear that you are a very strong woman. So I think you can handle it.
It's time to learn to ask for help, which, by the way, you have the right to.
It’s very good that your son recovered! Congratulations on this. This is your merit and a gift to him for the future, I hope - a long and happy life.
Consult with a lawyer and start defending the rights of your children and yours to housing, alimony and everything that is needed for the well-being of children. Remember that the father is obliged to support the children and take care of them no less than the mother.

Nadezhda, age: 36 / 05/26/2018

In my opinion, you should go to his management to work. What kind of policemen are we, kicking wives and children out of the house? Contact government agencies... just don’t be silent... the truth is on your side. And no thoughts of suicide, you need to fight for yourself and your children, no one will take care of them except you. Hang in there. Everything will be fine.

Svetlana, age: 40 / 05/28/2018

Be strong! everything will work out, you need to believe in it and strive to live better... at least for the sake of the kids. But you shouldn’t forget about yourself either. You are still young and everything will work out, for sure!

Love, age: 28 / 06/17/2018

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Spiritual Weapons Against Fear

It is in churchliness that a person finds peace, tranquility, and confidence. It’s different for everyone, but for myself I know for sure that before I came to the Church, before I became a conscious believer, by my nature I was inclined to worry, to worry, and the state of anxiety, expectation of change for the worse was very characteristic of me. I remember that I often could not escape this anxious state. But with my joining the church, when I first became simply a believer, received baptism, began to read prayers, go to church, and confess, this state went away. To say that now that I am already a priest, anxiety is completely unusual for me would be untrue. It happens that I worry and worry about things that I shouldn’t worry about, but this is completely different, incommensurate with how it was before.