There are many things in the world that people talk about with some embarrassment. Therefore, before you explain to your child everything regarding issues of procreation, you need to understand some points. Explaining what sex is is quite difficult, especially if you don’t prepare first. We will delve into the essence of psychology and provide effective recommendations.
Why does a child need to be explained what sex is?
1. Raising a child in the modern world no longer imposes strict boundaries. Conversations about sex and procreation are, if not of primary importance, then certainly of secondary importance in personality development.
2. At certain stages of growing up, the younger generation will definitely ask questions that they want answers to. It’s good if the child hears them from you, and not from strangers, and even more so from stupid peers.
3. If you avoid a sensitive topic, this can subsequently lead to the formation of an incorrect understanding of sex and attitudes towards it. In advanced cases, psycho-emotional deviations are possible.
4. In cases where parents provide children with the necessary and comprehensive information on time, the possibility of obtaining this information from the outside is excluded. In other situations, there is a risk that the child will learn distorted and perverted information from peers. It is possible to formulate the concept of sex as a shameful act.
5. Everyone knows the saying that the forbidden fruit is temptingly sweet. If you deliberately avoid questions, the younger generation may develop a less than healthy interest in sexuality. Therefore, it is so important to know how to explain to a child correctly and correctly what sex is.
6. There were cases when parents, due to their embarrassment, postponed conversations until later. Subsequently, the child found all the information on the Internet and even more. Typically, such requests on the Internet lead to sites of pornography or other perverted erotica.
7. Any reticence on your part leads to instability of the emotional environment. Due to the fact that the information received on the Internet is not filtered in any way, the child will develop an even stronger interest in this. And if parents talk about sex life, they can present pre-filtered data.
How to tell your child about sex?
Children are told about sex, observing certain boundaries and carefully thinking through the information. Please adhere to the rules below.
1. Prepare yourself for the dialogue in advance, don’t be nervous. Behave as you would when discussing any other (non-sensitive) topic. This way you will win over your child and the child will not suspect anything is wrong.
2. Don’t be like your parents who give long instructive lectures on the topic of procreation and sexual relations. 10 minutes is enough to present everything you consider necessary. However, even this time may seem like an eternity to a child if he is not assiduous. Let him ask questions, answer them in detail, but clearly.
3. Before you explain to your child everything regarding this topic and delve into the question of what sex is, think about your relationship with the father of the family. The child will not want to hear and understand exclusively the biological aspects of intimate life. He is interested in hearing about how you feel about this very biology and your husband.
4. Don't be afraid that you think your baby will hear too much information about sex. Most likely, incomprehensible things will disappear from his head quite quickly.
5. Since it is not always easy to explain to a child where babies come from, remain calm. Don't call your genitals what they are actually called. Similar words are suitable, for example, “pipiska”, “pipka”, “shaft”, “faucet”, etc.
6. In cases where the younger generation expresses itself obscenely, you should not scold them for words they heard somewhere. In a calm atmosphere, explain what exactly this word means. Ask your child not to express himself this way again. Argue it this way: “It will be unpleasant for outsiders to hear this from you, express your feelings differently.”
7. Puberty is the most difficult part to explain. Conversations about this begin well in advance of adolescence. Physiological changes (wet dreams, menstruation, development of mammary glands, etc.) can begin earlier than 10 years of age.
8. When deciding how to explain to your child correctly and clearly what sex is, you should prepare in advance. Girls need to be told about male erection, and boys about the menstrual cycle. When talking with teenage children, the topic of prostitution and homosexuality should not be excluded from conversations. Otherwise, they will learn it from films and the Internet.
9. Preschoolers and schoolchildren must have knowledge of how to protect themselves from sexual harassment. Teach your child to say a firm “NO!” unknown uncles and aunts. Starting from 4-5 years old, they say this: “Adults get to know children because it is difficult for them to find friends. But if strangers ask you to do the wrong thing, like putting your hand down your pants, immediately say “No!” and leave. Tell me everything right away!”
10. When thinking about how to explain sex to a child, you should not hide anything. Tell us what promiscuous relationships can promise. If you don't take precautions, you can contract serious illnesses. Provide information about AIDS, how dangerous and deadly this disease is. Watch the reaction carefully.
11. Of course, there is no need to tell various passions to a small child who is barely 6-8 years old. It is also important to understand that you should not delay a conversation on a spicy topic. In adolescence, it may already be too late.
12. Find the right time. When talking about sex, try to make sure your child doesn't feel embarrassed. There is no need to ask him awkward questions. Tell everything as it is, only in a smoother form. There is no need to say that he is still too young for a dialogue on such topics.
13. If you haven’t yet decided how to explain to your child in a softer form what sex is, just tell him about it. You need to prepare yourself and build an approximate dialogue in your head. If necessary, consult a psychologist. A specialist will help resolve the pressing issue.
14. After you have had the appropriate conversation with the child, make sure that everything has reached him. Ask him to tell you everything about the topic of sex from his point of view. Feel free to answer new questions. This indicates your interest and correct information.
How not to behave when talking to a child about sex
If your child asks you about intimacy between people, respond correctly. You don't need to:
- try to take the topic in a different direction;
- ignore the question;
- scold the child and shout because of his new interests;
- rant for a long time;
- attach special emotions to the topic and be embarrassed;
- ask the child to retell the entire conversation if he does not want to;
- talk about everything at once (a lot of information is not always good).
As soon as your child asks you a fairly interesting question, digest it in your head and calmly explain everything.
At what age should you talk to your child about sex?
When the baby reaches a conscious age (about 4 years), he begins to ask questions about his own birth.
Every year this topic will come up more and more often. This is where you need to gradually provide information.
Therefore, you should not worry too much about how to clearly explain to your child what sex is and where children come from. At each stage, add information.
Don't complicate the conversation, it should be easy and understandable. Don't forget to talk about love. It is loving people who should be close and caring to each other.
How to tell your child about sex depending on age
The main and main mistake is that parents tell their child about his very young age. Allegedly, he is not yet supposed to know about the intimate details of adults.
4-5 years
If your baby begins to be interested in where he came from, start the conversation with something simple. Tell us that the child was first in the mother’s stomach, and then began to grow and appeared outside. It happened this way because mom and dad love each other very much.
6-8 years
At this age, you can reveal some details. For example, the child was a very small “bean” in the womb. Over the course of 9 months he grew and developed. Then the time came for childbirth, the baby was born thanks to the doctors.
A great example would be if you have a pet. The child will learn a lot if the animal is expecting offspring. Tell your child that children should only appear in love.
8-10 years
It’s easier here, since you can explain to a child what sex is using the example of loving people. If the offspring shows increased interest in such a topic, it is worth talking about the physiological characteristics of women and men.
In bookstores you can easily find appropriate children's literature. Editions are produced depending on the age of the baby. Therefore, you don’t have to say that adult relationships are built only on sex.
Adolescence
At this age, interest in intimate life increases by an order of magnitude. The process is natural due to the maturation of the body. Hormones begin to rage. Therefore, a heart-to-heart conversation with your child is especially important.
Talk to him and try to explain that the emotional and physiological systems are being rebuilt. New feelings and thoughts appear. Convey to your teenager that sex should be for love. Don't forget to talk about protection.
Before explaining to your child about feelings between people and telling what sex is, you need to prepare yourself mentally. Answer all questions. Present everything in an accessible and understandable form. Don't be shy or shy away from conversations of a personal nature.
The child went to school. He needs to get up early and do homework, sometimes quite extensive. There is very little time left for your favorite games. How can you love something that takes away precious minutes and energy that could be spent on another, more interesting activity?
It’s very simple: you need to understand that this is really necessary and become interested in studying. This is where you can’t do without the help of adults. Each family explains the meaning of education differently.
Learn to live well
Often, parents, answering the children’s question “Why do you need to study?”, answer:
- “To enter a university (institute, academy).”
- “To receive a good salary in the future” (follows from the previous one).
- “If you don’t try, you won’t get anywhere, you’ll go to work as a janitor (nurse and other low-paid positions).”
This kind of motivation is ineffective:
- Younger schoolchildren cannot perceive long-term forecasts. Their parents solve all their problems for them; they do not yet understand that they need to work to earn something: “And I really like the janitor who sweeps our yard. I want to be the same!”
- Teenagers will decide that they are simply being scared: “So what? Everything will be fine with me, no matter what!”
- High school students may even laugh: “Uncle Petya graduated from school with a medal, from college with honors, but he couldn’t get a job!”
This explanation often simply does not satisfy the guys. And questions (especially from younger schoolchildren) are asked further: “This will happen later, but now why should I study?”
Learn to develop
And here we can talk about the fact that in fact people always learn! Absolutely! From infancy to the end of your life: first to walk and talk, then to play and run, and finally to live in society. Have your child list what else he has learned throughout his short life. This way it will be easier for him to understand that everything he has achieved was actually achieved with great difficulty (after all, he did not immediately begin to talk, and he did not learn to walk without falling in one day).
We need these skills to live a normal life:
- The ability to walk allows you to move some distances.
- Maintain physical health by the ability to run, jump, walk, swim.
- Speech allows you to understand each other, etc.
But there are also skills that will help you survive in modern society:
- Read the instructions for the device.
- Write a letter to a friend.
- Pay for purchases in the store.
- Choose an interesting city for a vacation.
- Find the place of residence of friends by address, etc.
Without them it will be very difficult to navigate the world. Studying will help you gain these skills.
Thus, to study means to improve oneself, to become better, to acquire those skills that will be useful in life. This is not only necessary, but also useful! And if you approach this process correctly, then...
the importance of study from the point of view of the development and education of such characteristics as:
- Self-discipline.
- Responsibility.
- Literacy.
- Performance.
- Independence.
- Communication skills.
- Creativity.
- Culture.
- Ability to perform all mental operations.
Constant replenishment of knowledge also contributes to successful studies, expansion of the student’s capabilities and, as a result, strengthening his self-confidence and increasing self-esteem.
The personal example of parents will also help to understand the meaning of study. But not from the area: “I studied well - now I earn a lot.” Big earnings will not make up for the moral dissatisfaction from a job you don’t like. What is more important is success, which will lead to harmony.
The correct words here are: “I love learning - it’s interesting and useful, because it helps me become better.” And explain how it is better (more purposeful, happier, calmer, etc.). And, of course, confirm your words with a specific example. Only in this case will children believe that they need to study!
Motivation to study
To make learning interesting and easy for a student, it is important to explain to him the meaning of learning in elementary school. And after he understands the need for this action, in every possible way contribute to the development of his cognitive interest, acting alone with the teacher.
In order not to discourage the desire to study, it is important for parents to adhere to the following rules:
- Show by example that learning something new is interesting.
American scientists conducted testing: several children were invited to study with a psychologist along with their parents. Various educational games and instructions for them were laid out in the room in advance, and surveillance cameras were installed. When the adults and the child came in, the psychologist left under some pretext, suggesting not to be shy and to behave “at home.”
Parents were divided into 4 groups: those who forbade the child to touch anything, those who did not react to anything (the child studied the games on his own), those who explained the instructions to the children, and those who were interested (they themselves were interested in how to play).
After a while, the psychologist returned and conducted a test to determine the child’s level of development. The results showed that the child received better development from the latter group of parents. The level was low among those to whom their parents themselves explained the meaning of the game. Such indicators allow us to highlight the following rule.
- Allow to show independence , if the child so desires: he will do his homework, collect his briefcase, sign his notebook, and fill out his diary.
- Evaluate achievements based on his previous skills: “Today you managed to write the word more accurately than yesterday.”
- Load adequately . Each person has their own characteristics, some can solve 4 problems and start the fifth, while others find it difficult to complete even three. There is no need to force your child to write more than he can. Overexertion and fatigue will contribute to the emergence of a negative attitude towards studying.
- Ask about school success, life in a team . A caring attitude towards learning on the part of parents will allow the child to appreciate the importance of the process.
- Talk about your failures and successes, seek advice . A good relationship with parents is the key to peace of mind for a child who knows that he will always be supported. And treating him as an adult fosters responsibility and discipline.
The role of the family in explaining the meaning of learning and developing motivation for the process is enormous. Even if a subject is taught at an insufficiently high level, parents are able to instill interest in it in their child.
On the other hand, even the increased influence of the teacher to increase motivation is unable to compete with the wrong actions of parents, which cancel out all the efforts of the teacher.
To avoid this, you should not:
- In front of the child, speak critically about the school and teachers.
- Scold children for bad grades and violation of discipline.
- Ignore the learning process.
The best parents are those who support their child in all endeavors, rejoice in victories and support during failures, and stimulate the child’s interest in any field of knowledge.
How to explain the word “no” to a child. How to properly protect your baby from dangers?
Parents often complain that their one-year-old tomboys do not understand the word “impossible” - they laugh and deliberately reach for the “forbidden fruit,” looking slyly at their parents.
This instills horror in inexperienced mothers and fathers: now the child is fiddling with the plug in the socket, now he is clicking the handles of the stove, now he is reaching into a mug of boiling water... How can you explain to a child that you can’t do something dangerous?
Tree with forbidden fruits
The more you can’t, the more you want – even adults know this. Therefore, the magic word in its categorical form should be heard infrequently in your apartment and only in serious situations.
It is believed that a child cannot remember ten prohibitions at once. Up to a year, enter one or two “don’ts,” then every year add a couple more undesirable actions.
All this applies only to those things that pose a real danger to life - electricity, boiling water, fire, roadway, heights.
The behavior of grandmothers walking with their grandchildren and forbidding everything on the way is completely unpedagogical: you can’t touch a leaf on the sidewalk, you can’t move a piece of snags, you can’t pick around in the ground.
Firstly, it encourages the child to protest against prohibitions. 
Secondly, it interferes with his cognitive activity. After all, it is by stepping into a puddle and touching a dirty chestnut that he gains experience and knowledge about the world around him.
The word "cannot" must reinforced by your stern appearance(no smiles, winks or giggles), a displeased tone and immediate cessation of the dangerous activity.
Moreover, the ban must be immutable- Neither mom nor dad allows it, neither tomorrow nor the day after tomorrow. And, of course, all prohibitions must be explained patiently.
If a child categorically does not understand and continues to climb where it is not necessary, some psychologists allow him to lightly slap him on the butt, pinch him or hit him on the arm. This is not about physical violence!
It’s just that a slow-witted baby must learn to associate a socket with unpleasant sensations.
There is also a way to protect a child from dangers, based on his personal experience. Introduce him to the concepts of “hot”, “cold”, “hurt” in microdoses.
Allow me to dip one finger into hot tea, bite off a piece of a pie that hasn’t cooled down, prick myself on a needle, get slightly injured by paper, touch a warm teapot, put out a candle. If he falls, take pity and explain: “you’re hurt.”
The baby will forever remember the sensations, and next time a verbal warning will be enough.
Come up with a mythical creature that “lives” in an outlet or on a landing - Babai, the evil Uncle Tok, Koschey, and so on. Scare the playful kid that Babai will come and bite him if he doesn’t stop.
The best way to protect your child from danger is secure the house. Of course, it is impossible to isolate a baby in a nursery filled with mattresses and plush toys.
But you can put plugs on sockets, silicone tips on sharp corners, door locks, and thereby reduce the risks.
Lexicon
What about actions that are not dangerous, but are unpleasant for parents? If we left the word “impossible” for electricity and stove, then how can we explain that mother’s mobile phone should not be thrown into the toilet?
Expand your vocabulary and arsenal of gestures and facial expressions! “You shouldn’t do that”, “this is dangerous”, “this is a bad game”, “ah-yay-yay”, “mom is angry”, “it’s dad’s, he will be unhappy”, “it’s someone else’s”.
You can also make a surprised or frightened face, whistling and inhaling the interjections “Ahhh!”, “Oh-oh-oh!”, “Oh! Oh!". Sometimes if you just call your child's name and wag your finger, he will put your things back. 
Offer an alternative: “you don’t need to scatter your brother’s things, he will be upset, but you can take apart the dollhouse”, “throwing slippers at the TV is a bad game, but putting together a puzzle is a good game”, “it’s dangerous to open the door to the balcony, but you can open your drawer and put the toys there "
This way you will brighten up the ban, distract from negative thoughts and switch the child to another activity.
Do not hesitate to explain to your child in detail what is not allowed and what is possible, and Why. Children are very smart even at a young age!
They involuntarily repeat this pattern. But it’s even worse when they want to correct previous mistakes in a new relationship.
What do you want from life? This is an eternal parental question. At all times, parents complain that their children do not want to study. Fathers and mothers repeat this question with enviable persistence and do not want to understand that children do not want to learn at all. Parental talent is manifested precisely in the fact that the child must be interested in learning.
Parents, concerned about their child's reluctance to learn, become very involved in their child's learning process. We can say that such parents almost take their child’s place at the desk. They do all the tasks for him, control and pack his backpack. Should such “crazy” parents ever stop and explain to their child the need to study?
Every parent is confident that a good education and successful learning will provide their children with a wonderful future. Parents, of course, are right. But there is a flip side to the coin. Intensive studying, fear of becoming a failure and being criticized by parents or being given the “honorary” title of “nerd” can make school years a real hell. It is impossible to study every day “under pressure”; in a constant state of stress it is impossible to fall in love with studying.
At first, the child will try to finish his studies as quickly as possible, and then all his life he will hate school, parents and teachers who forced him to study. It turns out that force can achieve completely opposite results. They didn’t notice that most children don’t even approach the piano after studying at music school.
Today, modern education is a complex and difficult matter. This “heaviness” can be felt by lifting the student’s briefcase. Add to this the insatiable ambitions of the parents, the exorbitant demands of the teachers, etc. The child is faced with an unrealistic task - to implement the unfulfilled plans of his parents. At the same time, parents do not think even for a moment that their desire may exceed the abilities of their children. Sometimes parents are horrified when they get the “pleasure” of watching their child, who has managed to “break away” from parental control for a while.
Most parents are convinced that their child is simply lazy and only wants to deviate from his responsibilities. Of course, such a belief has some basis. However, not all children think the same, in fact most of them are ready to learn. They can engage in both business and leisure, combining them wisely. Children also dream of a successful future. They are able to study well and do their work conscientiously. In such cases, the child will not need to explain the need to learn and can only rejoice. How to achieve this?
First of all, parents themselves must understand that it is impossible to control everything all the time and not everything is subject to regulation. If parents can understand that the victories, miscalculations and defeats of children are not only their success and mistakes, but also their children's. They will be able to explain this to their children. It is necessary to give the child a little freedom and teach him self-organization. A child responds much faster when he is given some independence, when he is busy with something that he himself has organized, and a positive result will depend only on how he can distribute his actions and time.
It turns out that parents should not be faced with the pressing question of how to explain to their child the need to study? Often such suffocating care for their child occurs among mothers who do not work and live only with the problems of their child. Having a lot of free time, the mother begins to “help” her child study. He hires a bunch of tutors, enrolls the child in various sections and groups. From such an intense life, the child becomes even weaker and inattentive, and in response, the mother begins to tighten control. Instead, the mother should teach the child simple ways to manage himself. Children become inattentive and inhibited because their parents decide everything for them and do everything for them. Their guardianship has no restrictions at all. Even before school, parents do not give the child the opportunity to express himself and do something on his own, and when he enters school, the problem only worsens.
Parents support their actions with excuses like: “The child can’t cope on his own! “It is the parents who do not want to notice that the source of all problems is not in the child, but in them. The student grows, and with him the control and demands of elders intensify. First they persuade the child, then they scare him that there will be revenge on the courtyards in the future, then they move on to punishments and do everything for him. As a result, the child stops learning altogether. Parental desire and will discourages the child’s desire to study.
The task of parents is to understand the child and his condition, why he resists studying. Put yourself in the child’s place, and then imagine that someone is constantly monitoring you and checking: did you eat, did you take what you needed when leaving the house, did you pay the bills, did you talk to your friend, did you forget your documents, etc. . ? All this will happen to you not in moments, but constantly. I wonder how long it will take before you begin to rebel against such guardianship and hate the controller? ! The child feels all the same things against his parents. Now imagine how much effort a child spends on resistance, even the most passive. Yes, it takes a lot of effort and energy to do this. As a result, the child weakens and loses the motivation to study.
