Harry Sullivan, psychoanalyst:
Love exists when the satisfaction and security of another person becomes as important as one's own satisfaction and security.
John Gottman, psychotherapist:
The greatest obstacle to love is the sense of self-importance that causes people to end marriages because they “deserve” the perfect partner.
Henry Dix, psychoanalyst:
The opposite of love is not hate. Both coexist as long as a living connection remains. The opposite of love is indifference.
Otto Kernberg, psychoanalyst:
IN love relationships there is a desire to complement oneself - starting with delight and satisfaction from the fact that another accepts and even enjoys in us what we ourselves did not accept, and ending with overcoming the limitations of one’s own gender in “bisexual” unity with a partner.
Heinz Kohut, psychoanalyst:
The more confidence with which a person is able to accept himself, the more defined his self-image, the more confidently and effectively he will express and offer his love, without experiencing excessive fear of being rejected and humiliated.
Karl Menninger, psychoanalyst:
A huge number of people suffer from unrequited love to yourself.
Esther Perel, psychotherapist:
Love has a price, but it should not require giving up oneself. It is difficult to find someone attractive who has completely renounced personal independence. It may be possible to love such a person, but it is certainly difficult to lust after him. There is not enough resistance and tension. Loving each other without losing yourself is the greatest challenge of emotional intimacy.
Adam Phillips, psychoanalyst:
One way to love people is to recognize that they have desires that exclude us, that it is possible to love and desire more than one person at the same time. Everyone knows this is true, but we don't want those who love us to think that way about themselves.
Viktor Frankl, existential psychologist:
Love inevitably enriches the one who loves. And if so, there cannot be such a thing as “unrequited, unhappy love.” Love is the “experience” of another person in all his originality and uniqueness.
Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst:
If an individual loves only one person and is indifferent to others, his love is not love, but a symbiotic attachment or an overgrown narcissism.
Carl Jung, psychiatrist:
Where love reigns, there is no will to power; where the desire for power is paramount, love is absent. One is not a shadow of the other.
The selection contains statements collected by psychotherapist Konstantin Yagnyuk in the book “Under the sign of PSI. Aphorisms of famous psychologists."
“Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I will remember. Call me with you and I will understand.” Confucius
“Live neither in the past nor in the future, but devote all your energy to work every day so that it satisfies your wildest ambitions.” William Osler
"Nothing can stop a person with a strong indoor installation in achieving his goals, nothing in the world can help a person with an incorrect internal attitude.” Thomas Jefferson
"How closer people to the truth, the more tolerant they are of other people’s errors.” L. N. Tolstoy
“Regret looks back, worry looks around, faith looks forward.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Don’t wait for some particularly favorable moment that will never come. Start where you are, using the tools at your disposal, and better tools will emerge as you go.” Napoleon Hill
“If a person confidently moves towards his dream, strives to live the life that he has drawn for himself, he will have success that is difficult to expect in ordinary life.” Henry David Thoreau
“Your providence will only become clear if you can look into your heart. He who looks outward dreams, he who looks inward awakens.” Carl Jung
“I go towards my destiny as if nothing else existed in the world right now.” Charles Kingsley
"It's bad when your fight ends in surrender, unless it's with a vending machine." Law R.K. Gallagher
“He waits, and all the best passes him by.” Thomas Edison
“A highly developed personality often encounters resistance in communication from mediocre minds.” Albert Einstein
“Mediocrity does not mean low intellectual ability; it only means a level of intelligence at which a person cannot stand those who are better and envy them.” Ayn Rand
“We move along our path only when we turn our faces to the goal, when we believe in ourselves, when we believe that we will overcome everything.” Orizon Swett Marden
“Few things in the world have the same power as positive encouragement. Smile. Expression of optimism and hope. The words “you can do this” when it’s especially difficult.” Richard M. Devos
“The main enemy of the best is the good. If you are ready to settle for good, you will never become the best.” Charles Kaiser
“The difference between people is small, but this small difference makes all the difference. The small difference is in the mood, the big difference is in its direction, positive or negative.” W. Clement Stone
“I realized that I could live my life in two ways: following my dreams or doing something else. Dreams are not a matter of chance, but of choice. When I dream, I believe that I am replaying my future in my head.” David Copperfield
“There’s one funny thing about life: if you agree to accept only the best from it…. very often you will get the best.” Somerset Maugham
“Whatever you vividly imagine, desire passionately, truly believe in, and passionately work towards simply cannot fail to happen.” Paul Meyer
“Every obstacle, every failure and unpleasant experience contains within itself the seeds of an equivalent good and may turn out to be a gift of fate in disguise.” Napoleon Hill
- № 12479
Don't imagine that your case is unusually difficult. Even those who eventually became the most eloquent representatives of their generation suffered from such unconscious fear and shyness at the beginning of their careers.
Dale Carnegie - № 12419
Everyone is firmly convinced of his own objectivity, and no one believes in someone else’s.
- № 12323
In psychosis, the world of fantasy plays the role of a storehouse, from which psychosis draws material or patterns for constructing a new reality.
Sigmund Freud - № 12322
In our dreams we always have one foot in childhood.
Sigmund Freud - № 12320
A dream is the guardian of sleep, not its violator.
Sigmund Freud - № 12305
If there is any secret to success here (in the art of relationships between people), then it lies in the ability to understand the point of view of another person and look at things from both his and your points of view.
Henry Ford - № 12299
A person has two motives for behavior - one real and the second, which sounds beautiful.
Henry Ford - № 12081
A psychologist is a person who looks at everyone else when beautiful girl enters the room.
- № 10754
The only normal people are those you don't know well.
Alfred Adler - № 10736
Separate the incident from the underlying problem. The problem is not behavior, but the inability to change the situation, having tears and mixed feelings.
Gordon Neufeld - № 10733
If a child experiencing irritation could not change the situation and could not cry tears of futility, could not go through the path from anger to grief, then the energy of frustration goes further, to the last mechanism of defense against aggression.
Gordon Neufeld - № 10722
Inviting an older child to depend on us means convincing the child that he can rely on us, count on us, can trust us with his problems and we will solve them, he expects our help. We seem to be telling the child that we are here for him and that it is okay if he needs us.
Gordon Neufeld - № 10719
The invitation to depend and the consent to depend is the choreography of two people who love and trust each other.
Gordon Neufeld - № 10717
The accusation that psychotherapy is missionary does not seem justified to me. It is strange to talk about the development of psychotherapy, while excluding expansion as a property of life. Psychotherapy in its current understanding arose as a proposal in response to a socio-cultural demand. But, having arisen, it - like any other area of activity - cannot help but create demand. The logic within which the formation of demand for medicine is called education, and for psychotherapy - missionary, is the logic of biased subjectivity, a double standard.
Victor Kagan - № 10716
My task as a therapist is not to penetrate into the patient’s meanings and the reasons for their occurrence, but to create conditions in which the patient has the opportunity to live and experience these meanings himself more fully and differently, to change them so that, in some In cases, they ceased to generate or maintain symptoms, and in others they led to the optimization of coping strategies and the maintenance of quality of life with persistent symptoms.
Victor Kagan - № 10715
I have great doubts about the thesis about the need to subject psychotherapeutic techniques to “serious scientific analysis” - at least as long as this analysis is associated with a “scientific worldview”, on the basis of which psychotherapeutic techniques allegedly do not want to act, and for now it is not defined what constitutes “serious scientific analysis”, which they allegedly do not want to undergo. Here it is appropriate to recall an anecdote: a private driver drives up to a person standing in a long line for a taxi: “Would you like a lift?” - “But you’re not a taxi” - “What do you need – checkers or driving?” Already become catchphrase: “I don’t know why it works, but it works” reflects the situation in psychotherapy much more accurately than the supposedly scientific “checkers”.
Victor Kagan - № 10714
Psychotherapy is often reproached for being represented by many closed sects with their own beliefs, their own “bird language”. Indeed, each of its directions forms its own theories, from which methods supposedly follow, although upon impartial examination it turns out that these theories themselves are mythologies, built on individual perceptions and empirical findings.
Victor Kagan - № 10713
In relation to psychotherapy, we can say that a person today lives in a culture of changes, not canons. This culture itself is devoid of previous psychoregulatory traditions that helped to cope with changes. And if the scientific and industrial revolutions of the XIX c., changing their lifestyles, they naturally relied on “scientific psychotherapy” with its laboratory nature and medicalization, today the emphasis is increasingly shifting from sciences to humanities.
Victor Kagan - № 10712
Psychotherapy is, first of all, a hypostasis of culture. I especially want to emphasize the non-replication nature of psychotherapy: just as in the theater each performance of the same play is unique - the same but not the same, in psychotherapy each session is unique even when using the same method or technique. Dialogue – and psychotherapy is a dialogue, not an influence – cannot be replicated.
Victor Kagan - № 10711
Term psychotherapy denotes the various principles of (secular, that is, secular) ethics and their application in practice. Thus, each method and each school of psychotherapy represents a system of applied ethics expressed in the idiom of treatment. Each of these methods and each of the schools bears the imprint of the personalities of their founders and adherents, their aspirations and values
I decided to publish a selection of aphorisms of great psychologists. Read these laconic wise phrases sheer pleasure.
I think other people’s thoughts very easily become your own if you perceive and process them. Conclusion: read the greats and your thinking will be elevated!
Loneliness is conditioned not by the absence of people around, but by the inability to talk with people about what seems important to you, or the unacceptability of your views for others.
Carl Gustav Jung
The problem of “being unloved” quite often turns into a problem of one’s own dislike.
Irvin Yalom
If I love another person, I feel oneness with him, but with him as he is, and not as I would like him to be, as a means to my ends.
Erich Fromm
Psychotherapists are people who have learned better than others to get along with their madness.
Carl Whitaker
Where there is Intimacy, there are no Games.
Eric Bern
People sometimes say about a person, “He hasn’t found himself yet.” But they don’t find themselves, they create them.
Thomas Szasz
Numerous problems arise when we try to meet others' expectations instead of defining our own.
Carl Rogers
By trying to be ourselves, we alienate many people, and by trying to give in to the desires of others, we alienate ourselves.
Clarissa Estes
Most of what is real within us is not realized, and most of what is realized is unreal.
Sigmund Freud
The world is simply ideal, so there is no need to improve it, all your efforts are in vain. Leave the world alone, after all, and take care of yourself in your spare time!
Nikolai Linde
Wish someone lucky to meet you and you will be lucky to meet someone.
Eric Bern
All our actions are based on two motives: the desire to become great and sexual attraction.
Sigmund Freud
Every normal person is actually only partly normal.
Sigmund Freud
Illusions attract us because they relieve pain and bring pleasure as a substitute. For this we must accept without complaint when, coming into conflict with a part of reality, illusions are shattered.
Sigmund Freud
Anyone who has only a hammer as a tool tends to look at any problem as if it were a nail.
Abraham Maslow
I very seriously object to the desire for perfection that some doctors and psychologists adhere to when working with people. I have never met a perfect human being and I do not expect to ever meet one. Perhaps it is precisely the imperfection that you are trying to take away from a person that gives him the charm that makes it possible to distinguish this individual and remember him.
Milton Erickson
No influence on a person can be more intrusive and predetermining than that which he is not aware of.
Otto Kernberg
These terrible crows - depression, despair and a feeling of uselessness - will always be somewhere nearby, right outside our window. No matter how consciously we want to get rid of them, they will come to us
come back again and again, and their hoarse croaks will interrupt our sleepy denial. Let's think of them as a constant reminder of the task before us. Even hearing their croaking, the noise of their wings, we still retain freedom of choice.
James Hollis
A person who feels loneliness experiences a unique experience of wandering and at the same time realizes his own inner essence with which he can enter into dialogue. Thanks to such dialogue, the individuation process begins.
James Hollis
We enter the world alone and we leave it alone.
Sigmund Freud
The task of making a person happy was not part of the plan for the creation of the world.
Sigmund Freud
In a certain sense, what we call happiness happens as a result of (preferably unforeseen) satisfaction long time pent up needs.
Sigmund Freud
To be truly intimate with another, we must truly listen to the other: let go of the stereotypes and expectations associated with the other, and allow ourselves to be shaped by the other's response.
Irvin Yalom
Relationships are unsuccessful when a person is partly with someone else, and partly with someone else fictitious.
Irvin Yalom
We are completely responsible for our lives, not only for our actions, but also for our inability to act.
Irvin Yalom
Love is, rather, a form of existence: not so much attraction as dedication, an attitude not so much towards one person, but towards the world as a whole.
Irvin Yalom
We are all lonely ships on a dark sea. We see the lights of other ships - we cannot reach them, but their presence and similar position to ours give us comfort.
Irvin Yalom
Life must be lived now; it cannot be put off endlessly.
Irvin Yalom
Life means nothing until there is a thinking person who could interpret its phenomena.
Carl Gustav Jung
Meeting yourself is one of the most unpleasant.
Carl Gustav Jung
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is even the slightest reaction, both elements change.
Carl Gustav Jung
Everything that irritates others can lead to understanding oneself.
Carl Gustav Jung
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own soul.
Carl Gustav Jung
We often face despair that comes from the inability to make a choice or unwillingness to be ourselves; but the deepest despair comes when a person chooses “to not be himself, to be different.”
Carl Rogers
A person can go beyond his own limits only by relying on his own true nature, and not on ambitions and artificial goals.
Frederick Perls
Awareness of the present without running into the past or future leads to psychological growth. The experience of the present at any given moment is the only possible real experience, the condition for satisfaction and fullness of life, and consists in accepting this experience of the present with an open heart.
Frederick Perls
There is no worse lie than a misunderstood truth.
William James
When you need to make a choice, but you don’t make it, that’s also a choice.
William James
The art of being wise is knowing what to ignore.
William James
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a person can change his life by changing his attitude towards it.
William James
There is a definition that says that meanings and values are nothing more than reactive formations and defense mechanisms. As for me, I would not want to live for my reactive formations, much less die for my defense mechanisms.
Victor Fraknl
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you catch it, the more it escapes. But if you turn your attention to other things, It will come and sit quietly on your shoulder.
Victor Frankl
The desire to find the meaning of life is the main motivating force in a person... I am not afraid to say that in the world there is no more effective help for survival even in the most terrible conditions than the knowledge that your life has meaning.
Victor Frankl
Suffering's purpose is to protect a person from apathy, from spiritual rigor.
Victor Frankl
Let the one of you who is devoid of neurotic manifestations be the first to throw a stone at me, be he a theologian or a psychiatrist.
Victor Frankl
Not the least of the lessons that I was able to learn from Auschwitz and Dachau was that the greatest chances of surviving even in such an extreme situation were, I would say, those who were directed to the future, to the cause that awaited them, to the meaning which they wanted to implement.
Victor Frankl
How seductive is popular talk about self-realization and human self-realization! As if a person is intended only to satisfy his own needs or himself.
Victor Frankl
What matters is not our fears or our anxiety, but how we relate to them.
Victor Frankl
Life either has meaning, in which case meaning cannot disappear from anything that can happen. Either it does not make sense - but then this also does not depend on the events taking place.
Victor Frankl
Man has become a commodity and views his life as capital to be invested profitably. If he succeeds in this, then his life has meaning, and if not, he is a failure. His value is determined by demand, and not by his human merits: kindness, intelligence, artistic abilities.
Erich Fromm
The unfortunate fate of many people is a consequence of the choice they did not make. They are neither alive nor dead. Life turns out to be a burden, a pointless pursuit, and deeds are only a means of protection from the torments of existence in the kingdom of shadows.
Erich Fromm
Man’s task is to expand the space of his destiny, to strengthen what promotes life, as opposed to what leads to death. When talking about life and death, I do not mean a biological state, but the ways of being a person, his interaction with the world.
Erich Fromm
The main life task of a person is to give life to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important fruit of his efforts is his own personality.
Erich Fromm
The main danger in life is being overly cautious.
Alfred Adler
“We do not choose each other by chance... We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.” Sigmund Freud
“Joy comes into our lives when we have something to do; have someone to love; and there is something to hope for.” Victor Frankl
“Having a specific goal, a person feels able to overcome any problems, since his future success lives within him.” Alfred Adler
“We are what we have instilled about ourselves and what others have instilled in us about us.” Erich Fromm
“You can only truly understand what you try to change.” Kurt Lewin
“Every person has desires that he does not communicate to others, and desires that he does not even admit to himself.” Sigmund Freud
“The art of being wise is knowing what to ignore.” W. James
“By changing our thoughts, we can change our lives.” Dale Carnegie
“If a person can live not forcefully, not automatically, but spontaneously, then he realizes himself as an active creative person and understands that life has only one meaning - life itself.” E. Fromm
“The presence of anxiety indicates vitality.” Rollo May
“After a period of happiness, joyful excitement and a sense of fullness of life, there will inevitably come a perception of what has been achieved for granted and anxiety, dissatisfaction and a desire for more will arise!” Abraham Maslow
“What matters is not our fears or our anxiety, but how we relate to them.” Victor Frankl
“Loneliness is not caused by the absence of people around, but by the inability to talk with people about what seems important to you, or the unacceptability of your views to others.” Carl Gustav Jung
“If I love another person, I feel one with him, but with him as he is, and not as I would like him to be, as a means to achieve my goals.” Erich Fromm
“People sometimes say about a person, “He hasn’t found himself yet.” But they don’t find themselves, they create themselves.” Thomas Szasz
“The world is simply ideal, so there is no need to improve it, all your efforts are in vain. Leave the world alone, after all, and take care of yourself in your spare time!” Nikolai Linde
“At the heart of all our actions are two motives: the desire to become great and the sexual desire.” “Every normal person is in fact only partly normal” Sigmund Freud
“The task of making man happy was not part of the plan for the creation of the world.” Sigmund Freud
“Meeting yourself is one of the most unpleasant.” Carl Gustav Jung
“Whatever irritates others can lead to self-understanding.” Carl Gustav Jung
“When you need to make a choice, and you don’t make it, that’s also a choice.” William James
“Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you catch it, the more it escapes. But if you shift your attention to other things, happiness will come and sit quietly on your shoulder.” Victor Frankl
“Suffering’s purpose is to protect a person from apathy, from spiritual rigor.” Victor Frankl
